Civility “in a Box” (Summarized)
Civility is:
- A set of behaviors that recognize differences and build mutual respect.
- A tool to deliver productive results through Civil discourse.
- Comprised of self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship management, communications, growth and problem-solving skills and behaviors.
- A habit.
- A choice (intentional).
- Based on the universal values of human dignity, respect, acceptance, responsibility, constructiveness, intentionality and public-spiritedness.
- A moral system but not a replacement for religious, philosophical or political systems.
- Viral; a virtuous/vicious cycle.
- Nonpartisan.
- Ecumenical.
- Teachable.
- A blend of thinking, feeling and doing.
- A social norm.
- Consistent with human nature.
- Actionable.
- An aspirational ideal, never fully achieved.
- A builder of trust, community, common good and institutions.
- A self-maintaining social system.
- Supported by world religions and secular humanism.
- Informed by modern social science.
- Practiced in personal, work, play, church, sports, media, union, culture, service, government and political environments.
- Required for democracy.
- Inspired by self-interest, situations, personality, identity, civic duty, patriotic duty, cultural duty, religious duty and philosophical duty.
- NOT too simple, complex, moderate, extreme, soft, hard, liberal or conservative.
- A solution to our challenges of political polarization, selfish media, radical individualism, limits of human nature, skepticism, our secular age, imperfect myths and insecurity.
Basis for the Civility Values
Basis for Selecting the 7 Civility Values
Context
Civility is based upon 7 values: human dignity, respect, acceptance, responsibility, constructiveness, intentionality and public-spiritedness. These values have been identified as the foundation of Civility because they work together with the 7 Civility behaviors to deliver results while recognizing differences and building mutual respect through civil discourse.
Deliver Results
- The values strongly drive the 7 sets of behaviors.
- The values and behaviors produce the desired results.
- Society is more productive.
- Civility behaviors become habits, valuable assets.
- People are engaged, their capabilities employed.
- Creative and cooperative solutions are generated.
Build Relations
- Build communications skills.
- Provides a safe environment which encourages interactions.
- Creates a positive climate and expectations.
- Promotes positive expectations and attitudes.
- Reduces social tensions and anxiety.
- Promotes trust in people, groups and institutions.
- Builds a sense of teamwork, community and common purpose.
Adequate
- Addresses real differences of experiences, interests, power and views.
Sustainable
- Encourages consideration of long-term consequences.
- Emphasizes the nature of repeated conversations and negotiations.
- Inserts the common good as a meaningful objective and factor to consider.
- Invests in the process.
- Supports the needs of all participants.
Reduce Costs
- Minimizes lost participation, ideas, solutions, compromises.
- Reduces overall communications, legal and transaction costs.
- Discourages destructive discourse, threats and behaviors.
- Avoid and resolve conflicts.
Broadly Supported
- Historically used by many cultures and traditions.
- Consistent with lists of common moral values.
- Commonly described by popular and academic writers.
- Generally supported by the average person.
- Nonpartisan.
- Ecumenical, not promoting one religion or denomination.
Broadly Applied
- Values and behaviors in family, neighborhood, work, play, church and civic situations.
Support Democracy
- Provide moral/community basis for political participation, engagement, voting, funding, service, and legal compliance.
Actionable
- Mutually consistent, supportive, connected values and behaviors.
- Limited set of values with clear definitions and complementary taboos.
- Consistent with human nature, even if requiring education and moral effort.
- Values and behaviors can be taught, practiced and improved.
- Consistent with the findings of modern social sciences.
Powerful
- Values are deeply felt, motivating their adoption, cultivation and application.
- Consistent with the virtuous cycle of reinforcement through social interactions.
- Intuitive definition and connection with practical and moral life.
- Connected with the religious and philosophical vertical dimension of life.
- Capable of being supported as a social norm.
The 7 Civility Values are Supported by World Religions – Good News
Vertical Dimension of Life Supports Civility
The Vertical Dimension of Experience Supports the Civility Values
All people experience the universe as something much larger, more complex, abstract and mysterious than their direct, personal lives. They try to make sense of the whole and determine their place and meaning. They sense that there are things beyond the materialistic human scale experience. They feel separation and long for a stronger connection with the whole. They experience parts of the larger universe which they cannot fully capture. Love, beauty, change, consciousness, art, music, science, intuitions, mysteries, miracles, myths, stories, awe, infinity, eternity, transcendence, dimensions, time, responsibility, sacred, pure, form, structure, number and mathematics all point to something “more”.
Some identify and experience God, gods, even a personal God. Others see structure, laws, nature, spirits or forces.
The key is the separation of the individual from the universe and the experienced relationship. The individual is not alone. He is connected to the source. He has neighbors who seem to be in the same situation. He experiences vertical and horizontal relationships.
The source has provided life to all men. They are in the same position. They deserve respect.
Men understand something of the universe. They connect with the source. They appreciate the structure. They are self-aware. They exist. Human dignity makes sense.
Men are not the center of the universe. There are many creatures. There are many other men. Variety is everywhere. Men and women differ. Children and relatives differ. Men experience growth, development and change. They expect change and diversity.
Men experience freedom of choice. They appreciate and defend this natural liberty. They believe they have “free will”. They seem to have a consistent “self” to speak with. They have logical capabilities. They can plan and execute.
Men experience logical yes and no. They see opposites. They sense “right and wrong”. They see and punish unfairness. They are socialized by experience, parents and neighbors. They live in a moral universe. Accountability arises from this environment.
Men live in communities. They are subject to the seasons, nature, disease, invaders and the weather. Their lives and fates are intertwined. They produce, learn, play and worship together. They are interdependent. They benefit from trade. Communities transmit culture, history and myths. The public good is self-evident in most human communities.
Man exists. He is self-aware. He experiences pleasure and pain. Nature provides resources. He experiences joy and sorrow. He manages many fears and threats. Yet, he sings and celebrates. He benefits from a positive world view.
In each case, men have natural experiences, vertically connected with nature, the universe, the source of being. This connection provides meaning, certainty, hope and safety. These values are natural values, that can be supported without making specific religious, scientific or philosophical claims.
How the Vertical Dimension Supports Civility: Google AI – April 8, 2026
The vertical dimension of life—often defined as one’s connection to a higher power, transcendent values, or a “higher self”—is deeply connected to civility, as it serves as an internal, ethical anchor that encourages treating others with respect, dignity, and care. While horizontal actions deal with navigating daily, material life, the vertical dimension focuses on inner transformation and accountability to a standard higher than oneself, which is often crucial for fostering public-mindedness and genuine connection with others.
• Foundation for Universal Respect: A vertical orientation provides a basis for recognizing that all individuals possess innate worth and dignity, independent of their social standing or whether one “likes” them. This “internal disposition of the heart” encourages respect for the “other,” ensuring individuals treat people as moral equals.
• Transcending Self-Interest: The vertical dimension cultivates a sense of awe and gratitude (an awe-based approach to the Divine or the cosmos) which encourages us to look beyond our own immediate interests and ego. This shift in consciousness moves people from a “me” focus to an “eco” or “us” focus, which is essential for community building and civility.
• Ethical Accountability: It brings a deeper awareness of the impact of one’s actions on others and fosters responsibility, self-awareness, and self-restraint. This often manifests as a “vertical” obligation to follow moral laws that transcend personal desires, leading to more respectful interaction.
• Disagreement Resolution: Authentic civility, rooted in this dimension, allows individuals to respectfully handle disagreements and navigate differences in public conversation rather than simply avoiding conflict.
Vertical vs. Horizontal Dimensions of Life
• Horizontal Dimension: Refers to the visible, life-in-time, material aspects of existence, where one tries to improve circumstances or “fix” things. It can sometimes lead to superficial politeness or a “socially controlled” adherence to norms rather than genuine care.
• Vertical Dimension: Focuses on the “Being” or the internal, non-physical plane of life, which brings peace and allows for better navigating of the horizontal plane.
In summary, the vertical dimension acts as the “inner soil” that nourishes civic behavior (public-mindedness), ensuring that interactions with others are grounded in deeper, shared principles of respect rather than just superficial politeness.
Christianity Supports the 7 Civility Values – Good News
The 7 Civility Values are Supported by World Religions – Good News
Civility: I Will Survive
Sagrada Familia, Barcelona.
Civility faces many challenges to survive and thrive. It possesses many advantages.
Conceptually
They say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.
The umbrella terms liberal and conservative are inadequate to political dimensions and individuals.
Despite DEI politics, most Americans support diversity, equal opportunity and acceptance.
Thought leaders realize there is no alternative to Civility for a modern society to function.
We define “certainty” for science and religion. We have post-Newton insights in the last 100 years.
We understand “victim” language. We can help ourselves and our friends to reject this burden.
Logically
Civility encourages us to accurately diagnose the current situation.
Despite political extremism, instrumental logic and facts rule the scientific and business worlds.
Civility is designed to be nonpartisan, allowing political parties to embrace this approach to effectiveness.
The 7 Civility values are equally attractive to liberals and conservatives.
Civility is able to promote public-spiritedness without leaning left.
Morally
The Civility behaviors are mostly consistent with human nature. The rest can be taught.
In a time of advanced technologies and artificial intelligence, focusing first on human dignity is wise.
While Civility focuses on behaviors and a few values, it can be driven by more emotional values.
We better understand the benefits and limits of tolerance and its role as a social value.
Most people see the costs of extreme individualism to themselves, family, neighbors and coworkers.
By highlighting the habit of skepticism, we can greatly reduce its poisonous impact.
Progressively
The track record of modern society solving problems is very strong.
Our world has an increasing experience base of finding both/and descriptions and solutions.
We do have a long track record of reducing our perceptions of “the other” as a threat.
We have more experience outsourcing government functions to reduce the sense of intrusion.
The change is based on incremental improvements rather than heroic efforts and projects.
Modern communications capabilities can effectively promote moderate, complex, less emotional positions.
As Robert Putnam documents in The Upswing, we have revised our social institutions before.
Powerfully
Civility is supported by a super majority of independents, Republicans and Democrats.
Corporations need Civility to operate complex organizations. They will recruit, train and reward Civility.
Civility embraces a wide diversity or political and religious beliefs.
Civility is supported by many churches, businesses, professions, universities and governments.
Leaders of Europe’s more secular democracies strongly embrace Civility.
There is no fundamental opposition to Civility by China’s leaders.
Civility is strongly supported by the major religions.
The 7 Civility values are supported by all major religions and philosophies.
Unquestioned religion or scientism are dead. Better insights and communication are possible.
The Catholic church can strongly support Civility.
Protestant churches can support Civility without overemphasizing “social justice”.
Politically
Societies have always had political differences. Our differences are no greater than in history.
In the American 2-party system, the center normally has extra political weight.
Political parties, groupings, ideologies and polarization naturally change through time.
We have 50 years of post-60’s social policy debates. We know that we will always disagree on some things.
The diversity of states allows the benefits of federalism to accrue with better policies emerging.
The reliance of the classical liberal political model on shared values is better recognized.
The unintended consequences of politically extreme policies become obvious in time.
The impossibility of extreme political parties/factions delivering on their promises becomes apparent.
Ironically, liberals have become “cultural conservatives”, promoting a 250-year-old approach.
Liberals increasingly see the value of allowing states to determine social and economic policies.
Some liberals see that 100% enforcement of social policies drives strong opposition for little benefit.
Broadly defined insecurity has become a political priority that will generate nonpartisan solutions.
Educationally
Modern cognitive science, counselling and organizational behavior are highly effective.
By defining Civility as a set of behaviors, we make it teachable, actionable and leverageable.
The Civility lessons are straightforward, allowing many to lead workshops.
Solid Civility lesson plans can be developed in many places and used everywhere.
We can fine-tune and package hundreds of Civility training exercises to serve everyone.
Organizations and individuals can rely upon counselling, groups and training.
We can greatly improve our school curriculums to teach Civility as a solution to real differences.
Civility is practiced and improved in all arenas of life. Improvements are leveraged.
Virally
In a highly specialized world, there are more opportunities to apply Civility “win-win” principles.
Civility is not an “all or nothing” set of behaviors. Incremental progress is normal.
The more challenging Civility behaviors can be practiced in safer, local environments.
Local expectations of Civility allow all individuals to apply and grow these behaviors.
Civility can be practiced in any environment without permission from anyone.
Civility skills, values, beliefs can be developed and applied without any approvals.
The virtuous cycle of Civility applies at levels. Good behavior or feedback drives more good behavior.
The practice of Civility generates “positive externalities” for others. The state should support it.
The practice of Civility provides a role model for others to emulate.
Social norms are very powerful. Most people learn them implicitly.
Civility behaviors can become habits which then apply without thought or effort.
Beneficially
Every person can serve as a Civility ambassador, champion or “civiliteer”.
High-level Civility skills are personally and professionally highly valuable.
The Civility emphasis on self-awareness and values clarification can improve quality of life.
Humans have much in common and can learn this.
Americans have much in common.
We understand “human nature” deeply, so can adjust to leverage strengths and patch weaknesses.
Americans are proud of their political system and will invest in Civility to preserve it.
Civility’s focus on human dignity supports the modern high importance of personal identity.
As individuals seek validation of their identities, Civility can help to facilitate good conversations.
Our greatly improved understanding of behavioral economics provides new policy opportunities.
Summary
The modern approach to improving and installing Civility as a major social norm is audacious, yet it has great support.
Culture Shock of the Sixties
Jimi Hendrix 1968 Explosion Martin Sharp Concert Poster Reprint Wall Art | eBay
The 1960s are considered a massive cultural shock because they marked a rapid, comprehensive rejection of traditional 1950s social norms, fueled by a booming youth population, the Vietnam War, and mass media. It shattered established authority in politics, race relations, gender roles, and lifestyle, shifting Western society toward personal liberation. Google AI – April 6, 2026
Key Factors Behind the 1960s Cultural Shift:
- Counterculture and Lifestyle: A youth-driven movement rejected conventional morality, embracing “free love,” casual sex, drug use, communal living, and distinct fashion changes like the miniskirt and long hair.
- Civil Rights and Equality: The struggle for racial equality transformed society, punctuated by the Civil Rights Act of 1964
and Voting Rights Act of 1965, alongside the rise of second-wave feminism. - The Vietnam War and Anti-War Protests: The war, amplified by television, created a “credibility gap” between government claims and reality, sparking intense youth protest and mistrust of authority.
- Technological and Social Changes: The proliferation of television created a unified media experience, while the advent of “the Pill” significantly altered sexual norms and gender dynamics.
- Musical and Artistic Explosion: Music, particularly rock and folk, became a vessel for social critique and the unification of a new generation (e.g., Woodstock).
- A “Bridge” Decade: The 1960s acted as a transition from the conservative, black-and-white media era to the more permissive, colorful “modern” world, with technological advancements like early satellite communication and computers.
This period is unique because it forced a shift from traditional institutional authority (church, family, state) to personal authenticity, empathy, and moral sensitivity.
[1] https://www.nypl.org/blog/2011/11/15/sixties-era-pop-cultural-revolution-america
[2] https://www.britannica.com/topic/1960s-counterculture
[3] https://frompovertytoprogress.substack.com/p/conscience-without-god-the-cultural
[4] https://www.rbf.org/about/our-history/timeline/1960s-tradition-and-tumult
[5] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xw9kTR4ribo
[6] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Counterculture_of_the_1960s
[7] https://issuesinperspective.com/2018/06/how-the-1960s-transformed-american-civilization/
[9] https://www.quora.com/Why-did-American-society-experience-so-much-turmoil-in-the-1960s
[10] https://www.gilderlehrman.org/history-resources/essays/sixties
1960s: Counterculture and Civil Rights Movement | HISTORY
How The 1960s Transformed American Civilization – Issues In Perspective
The 1960s, The Decade that Shook Britain
Support for Civility as a Social Norm
Civility acts as a social norm by functioning as an unwritten contract of voluntary restraint, respect, and mutual recognition that governs interpersonal behavior, fostering trust and social cohesion. It serves as a navigational tool for social interaction, prioritizing the common good over self-interest.
- Foundation of Mutual Respect: Civility is the recognition of the humanity and equality of others, demanding respect regardless of differences.
- Behavioral Guidelines: Unlike polite etiquette, it is a deeper disposition involving empathy, patience, and honesty.
- Social Cohesion: It reduces friction and prevents conflict, acting as the “glue” that allows diverse people to live peacefully.
- Voluntary Constraint: Civility serves as a form of self-discipline and self-control, curbing harmful impulses without the need for legal force.
- Function in Public Life: It enables productive, respectful disagreement and dialogue in communities and democratic life.
Several organizations and initiatives aim to establish civility as a social norm to reduce polarization and foster respectful discourse. Key groups include the National Institute for Civil Discourse, Braver Angels, the Institute for Civility, and the Civility Project, which focus on promoting respectful dialogue in political, public, and private spheres.
- National Institute for Civil Discourse (NICD): Focuses on bridging political divides and promoting polite, constructive discourse in politics.
- Braver Angels: A major organization working to reduce political polarization by fostering constructive dialogue between citizens with opposing views.
- Institute for Civility: A non-profit dedicated to promoting civility in government, workplaces, and schools, aiming to build a more respectful society.
- The Civility Project: Founded by journalists to help people with stark differences maintain healthy, respectful relationships.
- National Civility Network (NCN): A collaboration of centers and institutes working on civic engagement and addressing political dysfunction.
- Millennial Action Project: Engages young lawmakers to build bipartisan coalitions and promote a more collaborative political culture.
- The Center on Civility and Democracy (CCD): Part of the Ronald Reagan Foundation, it promotes civil discourse and common ground.
- SHRM (Society for Human Resource Management): Promotes workplace civility as a strategic imperative to create productive, positive cultures.
These groups often focus on transforming polarization into engagement, enhancing interpersonal relationships, and strengthening democracy through “internal constraints” of respectful communication.
[2] https://www.instituteforcivility.org/who-we-are/mission-and-vision/
[4] https://www.publicbooks.org/civility-and-or-social-change/
[5] https://www.reaganfoundation.org/civility-and-democracy
[6] https://www.instituteforcivility.org/
[7] https://nicdresearch.org/national-civility-network/
[8] https://www.shrm.org/topics-tools/topics/civility
[10] https://modernagejournal.com/why-civility-precedes-the-social-contract/235645/
A broad spectrum of Christian denominations, including Catholics, Lutherans (ELCA), Presbyterians (PCUSA), and many Evangelicals, support making civility a social norm, often framing it as “Christian civility”. These efforts focus on applying the Golden Rule and neighborly love to public discourse, emphasizing dignity, respect, and constructive engagement over political polarization.
Key groups and campaigns promoting this include:
- [United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB)]: Launched the “Civilize It: Dignity Beyond the Debate” campaign, urging respectful dialogue in politics and community.
- [Evangelical Leaders (NAE)]: The National Association of Evangelicals and leaders like Richard Mouw emphasize “uncommon decency” and treating others—including opponents—with dignity, believing this is a core Christian conviction rather than just good manners.
- [Mainline Protestant Denominations (ELCA, PCUSA, Episcopal Church (USA))]: The Evangelical Lutheran Church in America and Presbyterian Church (USA) have supported initiatives like “Golden Rule 2020: A Call for Dignity and Respect in Politics”.
- [Interfaith & Ecumenical Coalitions]: Various leaders, including those involved in “[A Covenant for Civility],” span across political lines to promote civil, safe spaces for public discourse.
- Quakers
- Black Church Traditions
- Mennonite Church USA
[3] https://tomkapostasy.com/2026/02/03/christianity-supports-the-7-civility-values/
[5] https://sojo.net/articles/covenant-civility
[6] https://blogs.elca.org/advocacy/the-paradox-of-civility/
[7] https://www.nae.org/civility-starts-in-church/
[9] https://www.nae.org/love-civility/
[10] https://njcatholic.org/civilize-it
Several states, through their legal, governmental, and bar associations, are actively working to mak civility a social and professional norm. Illinois, California, Texas, Colorado and Utah are noteworthy. Half of state legal associations include civility oaths.
The Council of State Governments is promoting “Service with Civility”.
2025 Civility – The Council of State Governments
Several state municipal associations have launched formal campaigns, pledges, and initiatives aimed at making civility a social norm in local government and public discourse. These efforts, often in response to rising polarization, focus on restoring respectful dialogue in council meetings and community interactions.
Key state municipal associations leading this effort include:
- Georgia Municipal Association (GMA): In 2023, the GMA launched the “EMBRACE Civility” program in partnership with Georgia City Solutions to equip cities with resources, including a civility pledge and the “9 Pillars of Civility,” to combat incivility in local government. Numerous Georgia cities have been recognized as “Cities of Civility” through this program.
- Municipal Association of South Carolina (MASC): MASC formally rolled out its civility initiative in 2022, naming the restoration of civility in local government a top priority. Their initiative urges local leaders to adopt civility pledges and resolutions in their council chambers, focusing on collaboration and consideration.
- Illinois Municipal League (IML): The IML promotes a formal “Civility Pledge” to ensure communication between local elected and appointed officials remains open, honest, and transparent to build trust.
- Pennsylvania Municipal League (PML): The PML has a dedicated “Civility Campaign” that encourages officials to sign a pledge to foster civility in the delivery of public services.
- North Carolina League of Municipalities (NCLM): NCLM operates a “Commit to Civility” program that certifies municipal boards that complete training and commit to fostering respectful discourse in their communities.
- Colorado Municipal League (CML): CML promotes “Civility Starts Here” principles, encouraging local leaders to focus on issues rather than individuals, listen actively, and manage emotions during public meetings.
- Florida League of Cities (FLC): FLC offers training and resources for local governments to adopt civility pledges and meet ethics standards to foster better communication between officials and the public.
Note: The National League of Cities (NLC) also provides a national framework supporting these state-level actions, with many of its leaders hailing from the associations listed above.
Several professional associations, particularly in law, psychology, and management, actively promote civility as a social norm to improve discourse, workplace culture, and public health. Key organizations include the American Bar Association (ABA), American Psychological Association (APA), SHRM (Society for Human Resource Management), and the International City/County Management Association (ICMA).
Key Professional Associations and Initiatives
- American Bar Association (ABA): Promotes civility as a core pillar of legal professionalism, issuing guidelines and training for attorneys to maintain respect, dignity, and courtesy in legal practice.
- American Psychological Association (APA): Emphasizes civility, inclusion, and respect for dignity to foster better communication and professional environments.
- SHRM (Society for Human Resource Management): Advocates for civility in the workplace, emphasizing empathy and respect to improve organizational health, performance, and employee engagement.
- International City/County Management Association (ICMA): Partners in efforts to address the decline of civility in public discourse and governance.
- Community Associations Institute (CAI): Implements a “Civility Pledge” for community associations to foster respectful interactions and responsible leadership.
- National Civility Network (NCN): A coalition of academic centers dedicated to promoting civil discourse in public life.
Numerous universities actively promote civility as a core social norm, incorporating it into campus culture through specialized initiatives, codes of conduct, and dedicated community standards. Key institutions focusing on this include Carnegie Mellon University, Old Dominion University, Arcadia University, Stony Brook University, and Winston-Salem State University.
Key University Civility Initiatives & Policies:
- Carnegie Mellon University (CMU): The Civility Initiatives strive to foster a community of dignity, conflict resolution, and mutual respect.
- Old Dominion University (ODU): Civility: The Monarch Way focuses on building a safe, respectful environment, prohibiting bullying and harassment.
- Stony Brook University: Emphasizes civility and civil discourse alongside diversity, caring, and respect.
- Arcadia University: The Statement on Civility
highlights respect, empathy, and responsible behavior. - Winston-Salem State University (WSSU): The Office of Community Standards & Civility promotes integrity, accountability, and respect.
- Johns Hopkins University: Features the Civility Initiative, established to promote dialogue during polarized times.
- Florida State University (FSU): Highlights a civility statement stressing the “dignity and worth of each person” and encouraging respectful disagreement.
- Colby Community College: Includes specific conduct guidelines to curb toxic behaviors such as public hostility, ridicule, and name-calling.
- Jamestown Community College: Implements classroom civility
guidelines focused on fostering a safe environment. - University of Maryland Global Campus (UMGC): Incorporates a Code of Civility in its student handbook.
[2] https://www.odu.edu/equity/civility
[3] https://www.arcadia.edu/about-arcadia/offices-facilities-services/student-affairs/civility-campus/
[4] https://www.stonybrook.edu/commcms/civility/
[5] https://www.wssu.edu/student-life/community-standards-civility/index.html
[6] https://www.colbycc.edu/policies/general-employment-workplace/civility.html
[7] https://www.sunyjcc.edu/employees/classroom-civility-faculty-guide
[8] https://publichealth.jhu.edu/center-for-health-equity/2024/civility-in-times-of-social-polarization
[9] https://www.umgc.edu/current-students/student-life-and-support/student-handbook/civility-code
[10] https://sccs.fsu.edu/about-us/civility-statement
[11] https://ncrconline.com/galinson-campus-civility-program/
Some Republicans support civility as a social norm to maintain democratic stability, foster productive governance, and encourage respectful dialogue over political hostility. It is seen as a way to promote traditional values, enable compromise, and, for some, shift focus away from personal attacks toward policy, enhancing both social cohesion and political accountability.
Key reasons for supporting civility include:
- Democratic Order and Stability: Civility is seen as essential for upholding democratic decorum and stabilizing the boundaries of conflict.
- Effective Governance: Many believe that civility is crucial for bringing lawmakers together, reducing political hostility, and finding solutions through, rather than in spite of, differing viewpoints.
- Encouraging Respectful Discourse: Supporters argue that civility promotes listening, understanding, and respectful treatment of others.
- Reinforcing Traditional Values: Civility often aligns with the promotion of respect, personal responsibility, and traditional social conduct.
- Political Strategy: Some studies suggest that advocating for civility can be a strategic move to focus on policy differences rather than identity politics, which can be beneficial in certain political environments. [
While a large majority of Republicans (85%) have regarded civility as very important, there is nuance in how it is interpreted, with some emphasizing it as a necessary reduction in political toxicity, while others may view the push for it as a distraction from deeper policy debates, or as a way to control the political narrative.
Some Republicans support making civility a social norm because they view it as a practical tool for effective governance, a protector of democratic stability, and a reflection of core conservative values like respect for authority and human dignity. They argue that without a baseline of mutual respect, the “American experiment” is threatened by hyper-polarization and potential political violence.
Some Democrats and institutionalists support elevating civility to a social norm to preserve democratic institutions, promote constructive political discourse, and counter rising polarization. Proponents argue that civility fosters trust, enables compromise, and protects democratic processes from authoritarian threats by emphasizing shared common purpose over confrontational, hyper-partisan politics. [1, 2, 3, 4]
Key reasons for supporting civility as a social norm include:
- Protecting Democratic Institutions: Supporters believe adherence to decorum and norms keeps government functional and resists democratic backsliding.
- Encouraging Compromise: Civil discourse is seen as essential for managing deep societal disagreements and achieving bipartisan solutions.
- Recognizing Mutual Dignity: Civility requires recognizing the dignity of opponents, which helps reduce hostility and fosters a more collaborative political environment.
- Promoting Respectful Dialogue: It provides a framework for addressing conflicts, particularly in diverse environments, by encouraging active listening and reducing conflict-driven “drama”.
Some Democrats advocate for civility as a social norm primarily to protect the stability of democratic institutions and to rebuild public trust in a polarized political climate. By promoting respectful discourse, these supporters aim to move away from personal attacks and toward a governing culture that can effectively address societal issues through compromise and mutual understanding. [1, 2, 3, 4]
Core Reasons for Supporting Civility
- Stability of Democracy: Proponents argue that democracy requires a baseline level of respect to function. Without civility, institutions suffer from increased hostility and a “declining faith in democracy”.
- Enabling Compromise: Meaningful policy solutions often require reaching across the aisle. Supporters believe that treating opponents as “political equals” rather than enemies allows for the negotiation of “reasonable compromises”.
- Restoring Public Trust: High levels of political vitriol can weaken trust in government. Modeling civility is seen as a way for leaders to signal ethics, honesty, and a commitment to “good governance”.
- Social Harmony and Diversity: In a diverse society, civility is viewed as a “moral glue” that prevents different viewpoints from devolving into aggression. It encourages “bridging capital”—trust between strangers—which makes both democratic governance and economic exchange easier.
- Voter Preference: Many Democratic voters value institutional norms and professional behavior. Polls indicate a strong majority of voters believe respect is the first step toward a working government.
Summary
There is broad support in the US for Civility as a social norm. Grass-roots efforts to improve understanding, application and encouragement of Civility have good prospects for success.
Finnish SISU: Extraordinary Perseverance
Finland is a tiny country. 5.6 million people in a world of 8.3 billion people. One of every 1,500 people lives in Finland. About the size of metro Philadelphia or metro Atlanta. Smaller than 72 cities. Less than Miami, Singapore, Dallas or Toronto. Just 1/5th the size of Jakarta, Dhaka, Tokyo, Delhi or Shanghai!!!!
An unusual language, distantly related to Hungarian and more closely connected with Estonian.
Yet, it clearly “punches above its weight”. 5 Nobel prize winners. Retaining its independence in 1940 against a vastly superior Russian army. 480 Olympic medals. Perennial global ice hockey competitor. Paavo Nurmi, the flying Finn. 2006 Eurovision song winner. Northern lights. Reindeer.
Finland experienced massive outmigration through time. 500,000 to the US and Canada. 650,000 Finnish descendants in the US today. 140,000 to Russia. 500,000 to Sweden.
Balmy Helsinki’s average daily high is 30 in December/January/February and 69 in June/July/August.
Today we incredibly look to Finland as the “happiest” country in the world with the “best” school system! This does not compute!
The SISU attitude is considered a national treasure. Extraordinary perseverance, an action mindset, latent power, resilience, community, spiritual force, the good life. In essence, an indomitable collective will to survive and thrive despite many threats.
An example for all of the world to consider.
Sisu: The Finnish art of inner strength
Sisu: The Finnish Secret of Inner Strength and Resilience | Psychology Today
What Sisu Can Teach Us About Well-Being | Psychology Today
What Finnish Can Teach Us About Resilience | Psychology Today
Finnish fun.
The Finnish Secret to Happiness: Why They Laugh 🇫🇮✨ #funny #trending #comedy #jokes #2danimation
Covey’s “7 Habits” and Civility
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Leader In Me
Stephen Covey’s 1989 book invented the personal development industry for modern employers and employees. It has sold more than 20 million copies and helped millions of people become “more effective”.
I’ll connect the “7 habits” to the very independently derived 7 values and 7 skills/behaviors of Civility.
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Wikipedia
Civility is Really About 7 Behaviors – Good News
Civility Resources (5): Action – Good News
Civility Resources (4): Values – Good News
Covey’s book is principle centered, focused on character development and the importance of managing perceptions.
Civility is “principle centered”, based on the 7 nonpartisan values of human dignity, respect, acceptance, responsibility, constructiveness, intentionality and public spiritedness.
Civility is based upon 7 skills/behaviors of self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship management, communications, growth and problem-solving that also acknowledge the importance of a lifetime of personal development. The 6th behavior outlines how the practice of Civility leads to personal growth.
Civility emphasizes the crucial role of identifying, understanding and shaping personal perspectives, insights and world views. The 4 values of respect, acceptance, responsibility and public spiritedness require the individual to work on refining their world views. Similarly, the self-awareness and social awareness behaviors emphasize the need to clearly define and sometimes challenge real views as part of social discourse or civil dialogue.
1. Be Proactive (Google AI)
Stephen Covey’s Habit 1: “Be Proactive” relates to civility by placing the responsibility for respectful behavior on the individual rather than on external circumstances or other people’s actions. Being proactive means choosing to respond with values—such as kindness and respect—rather than reacting based on feelings, which fosters a more civil, constructive, and collaborative environment.
Choice of Response vs. Reaction: Covey argues that between a stimulus (e.g., someone being rude) and the response, there is a space to choose. Proactive individuals use this space to choose a civil, value-based response, rather than blindly reacting with anger or sarcasm, which would diminish civility.
Owning One’s Behavior: Proactive people do not blame their behavior on others or their environment (“he makes me so mad”). Instead, they act with accountability, knowing that their own conduct is a result of their own decisions.
Focus on the Circle of Influence: Proactive people focus on what they can control—their own attitude, language, and behavior. They understand that while they cannot control another person’s rudeness, they can control their own polite response, which can often improve the situation.
Proactive Language: Proactive people use language that implies choice, such as “I can,” “I will,” or “I choose”. This language is inherently more empowering and respectful than the reactive language of blame (“He makes me…”, “I have to…”).
Acting with Intention: Proactive individuals create a climate of respect, rather than waiting for others to do so. They take the initiative to communicate clearly, apologize for mistakes, and behave with kindness, which acts as a proactive driver of civility in professional and personal relationships.
By taking ownership of their behavior, proactive individuals stop blaming “out there” for their issues, thereby reducing conflict and increasing respectful interaction.
TK Summary: Strong overlap with Civility values of responsibility and intentionality, overlap with respect and constructiveness. Strong overlap with Civility behavior self-management, overlap with communication, self-awareness and social awareness. Civility is not about politeness, surface level choices, weakness or moderation. It focuses on making great choices and deeply owning those choices.
2. Begin With the End in Mind (Google AI)
Stephen Covey‘s second habit, Begin with the End in Mind, relates to civility by framing daily interactions as steps toward a long-term legacy of character and relationship quality. Instead of reacting to immediate frustrations, this principle encourages individuals to act according to their core values and the “end” they want to achieve in their personal and professional lives.
In the context of civility, this habit manifests in several ways:
Relationship Preservation as the “End”: In conflict resolution, beginning with the end in mind means visualizing a successful outcome where the relationship is preserved or strengthened, rather than just “winning” an argument.
The Eulogy Exercise: Covey famously asks people to visualize their own funeral and consider what they want friends, family, and colleagues to say about their character. If you want to be remembered as kind, respectful, and fair, you must practice those civil behaviors in the present to make that “end” a reality.
Principle-Centered Living: By centering one’s life on unchanging principles like trust and honesty, an individual can maintain civil behavior even in the face of adversity, rather than being swayed by temporary emotions or external circumstances.
Intentional Communication: This habit encourages visualizing the desired atmosphere of a conversation or meeting before it begins. This mental “first creation” allows for more deliberate, empathetic, and respectful communication.
Living by Design, Not Default: Without a clear vision of who you want to be, you may fall into reactive, uncivil patterns dictated by pre-existing habits or others’ behaviors. Intentionally choosing your “end” goal empowers you to respond with civility by design.
TK Summary: The Civility values of respect and intentionality stand out, followed by human dignity and responsibility. The Civility behaviors of relationship management and self-management are essential here, also using self-awareness and problem-solving to create this habit.
3. Put First Things First (Google AI)
Stephen Covey’s “Put First Things First” habit relates to civility by prioritizing long-term relationship building, respect, and ethical behavior over reactive, urgent, but unimportant demands. It emphasizes investing time in people and principles, ensuring that how we treat others remains a top priority rather than an afterthought sacrificed for immediate, urgent tasks.
Key connections include:
Prioritizing Relationships: By focusing on Quadrant II (important but not urgent) activities, such as relationship building and proactive communication, people cultivate a respectful and supportive environment, rather than treating interactions as interruptions.
Proactive Self-Management: It requires managing oneself to live according to values, which prevents rushing, stress-induced rudeness, and, instead, fosters a calm, thoughtful approach to interactions.
Valuing People Over Tasks: It emphasizes that people and their well-being are paramount, ensuring that interacting with others is treated as a priority rather than a “low-priority” task compared to other work.
Preventing Ethical Crises: By acting on principles before they become urgent problems, individuals are more likely to behave with integrity and maintain professional civility.
TK Summary: Here, Covey focuses on the Civility values of human dignity and acceptance, supported by respect. He emphasizes the Civility behaviors of relationship management and self-management, supported by communications and personal growth.
4. Think Win-Win (Google AI)
Stephen Covey’s “Think Win-Win” habit (Habit 4) is directly related to civility by serving as a character-based code for interaction that requires mutual respect, emotional maturity, and the balance of courage and consideration. It builds a culture of trust and collaboration, replacing competitive “win-lose” mentalities with cooperative, respectful, and mutually beneficial relationships.
Key relationships between “Think Win-Win” and civility include:
Mutual Respect and Consideration: Win-win requires valuing other people’s needs as much as your own, which is the foundation of respectful communication.
Emotional Maturity: It requires the “courage” to express your own needs and the “consideration” to listen to others, forming the basis of mature, civil dialogue.
Abundance Mentality: It assumes there is enough for everyone, promoting a cooperative mindset over scarcity-driven competition, fostering generosity rather than selfishness.
Trust Building: By aiming for solutions where everyone feels satisfied, this habit builds long-term trust, which is the cornerstone of civil interaction.
Think Win-Win isn’t simply about being “nice”; it is a framework for ensuring that interactions are respectful, fair, and beneficial for all stakeholders.
TK Summary: The Civility value of true respect is first, augmented by acceptance, responsibility, intentionality and public-spiritedness. Self-management is the primary Civility behavior, accompanied by social awareness, relationship management, communications and problem-solving.
5. Seek First to Understand, Then Be Understood (Google AI)
Stephen Covey’s habit of “Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood” (Habit 5) is foundational to civility because it replaces judgmental listening with empathic listening, cultivating respect and validation in interactions. By prioritizing understanding over simply being right, it promotes patience, reduces conflict, and fosters deeper human connections.
Promotes Empathy & Respect: Instead of listening to respond or judge, this habit encourages listening with the intent to truly understand another person’s perspective and emotions.
Suspends Judgment: It fosters a mindset of pausing and suspending judgment, which is essential for treating others with dignity.
Builds Trust Through Validation: When others feel heard and understood, it gives them “psychological air,” encouraging a safe, collaborative environment rather than a combative one.
Combats Dehumanization: It forces one to see the person behind an argument or avatar, preventing the rush to judgment often found in poor, uncivil discourse.
Balance of Courage and Consideration: This habit teaches that true influence is built by combining kindness (seeking to understand) with courage (being understood), facilitating Win/Win outcomes.
TK Summary: Covey highlights the first 3 Civility values of human dignity, respect and acceptance. “Others” really, really matter. He then elevates the Civility behaviors of self-management and communications (active listening), complemented by social awareness and relationship management.
6. Synergize (Google AI)
Stephen Covey’s habit of Synergize (Habit 6) relates to Civility by fostering creative cooperation through valuing differences, empathetic listening, and seeking “third alternatives” (Win/Win) rather than conflict. It transforms respectful, polite communication into synergistic collaboration, treating diverse viewpoints as assets, not threats.
Key connections between synergy and civility include:
Valuing Differences: Synergy goes beyond mere tolerance (politeness) to truly valuing mental, emotional, and psychological differences, which is the foundation of a civil, inclusive society.
Empathetic Communication: Synergizing requires seeking first to understand others, creating a safe, respectful environment where individuals feel valued.
Moving Beyond Defensiveness: It replaces defensive, protective, or legalistic communication with open and honest dialogue.
Co-creation of Solutions: It actively seeks a “third way” that is better than either party’s original idea, promoting partnership rather than win-lose confrontations.
TK Summary: The Civility values of respect and acceptance are critical supports for synergy: a belief in interactive teamwork. The Civility behaviors of modern “best practices” communications and problem solving are required for synergy to deliver the goods.
7. Sharpen the Saw (Google AI)
Stephen Covey‘s 7th Habit, Sharpen the Saw, relates to civility by focusing on the social and emotional renewal required to interact with others respectfully and effectively. This habit emphasizes that a depleted or “dull” individual is more likely to be reactive, impatient, and ineffective in their relationships.
The relationship between “Sharpening the Saw” and civility manifests in several key ways:
Emotional Regulation and Reduced Reactivity
Preventing Burnout: Without regular renewal, emotions become “raw” and the spirit becomes insensitive.
Interpersonal Resilience: Leaders who prioritize physical and emotional self-care are less reactive and better prepared to handle interpersonal challenges with composure.
The “Private Victory”: Covey argues that personal renewal (the private victory) must precede successful public interactions (the public victory). Civility is difficult to maintain when one is operating from a state of exhaustion or stress.
Social and Emotional Renewal
Empathetic Connection: Sharpening the “social saw” involves cultivating empathy and emotional intelligence, which are foundational to civil behavior.
Building the “Emotional Bank Account”: This habit encourages making “deposits” into others’ emotional bank accounts through courtesy, kindness, and honesty.
Interdependent Habits: Habit 7 makes Habits 4, 5, and 6 (Think Win-Win, Seek First to Understand, and Synergize) possible. These habits represent the core of civil and cooperative social interaction.
Principled Character Development
Alignment with Values: Renewal in the spiritual dimension involves committing to a value system that often includes integrity, kindness, and human dignity.
Civic Responsibility: By focusing on self-improvement, individuals increase their capacity to contribute positively to their community and maintain a “minimal model of a civic citizen”.
TK Summary: Covey calls out the Civility value of human dignity as essential to living a great life, followed by the importance of respect for others. This habit matches up directly with the Civility behavior of personal growth and notes the importance of self-management and social awareness in living a sustainable good life in the modern world.
Summary
Many of us lived through the “malaise” of the 1970’s and 1980’s as the US tried to digest the cultural revolution of the 1960’s, the political disappointments of Vietnam and Watergate, and the global economic revolution of the 1970’s and 1980’s. The US was no longer invincible. It was threatened on all sides. Covey’s book was a clarion call to refocus on “character”. Yet, it was not about a soft, countercultural “greening of America” or a naive return to 1950’s cultural certainties. It was about the tools required for individuals to survive and thrive in a complex, global, secular world. It was not a politically partisan approach.
His “7 habits” have stood the test of time. The crosswalk with Civility is very dense. He is focused on the individual looking for habits of successful personal development. Civility is focused on the minimal values and behaviors required to maintain Civil discourse at all levels of an interdependent society.
He strongly agrees that human dignity, respect and acceptance are required for every individual. Responsibility and intentionality are very important. Constructiveness and public-spiritedness matter.
Self-management, relationship management and effective communication skills are essential. Moderate self-awareness and social awareness are needed for success. Personal growth and problem-solving skills are also required.
We collectively have an obligation to define, teach and build Civility skills/behaviors and values for the benefit of our fellow citizens and society. The overlap with Stephen Covey’s highly successful “7 habits” tells me we’re on the right path.
The Ethics of Authenticity / The Malaise of Modernity (1991) – Charles Taylor – Good News
The 8 Older Men and Civility
The blind men and the elephant: Is perception reality?
In recent times, eight older men lived in an Indiana community. Each was successfully retired and quite confident. Their neighbors loved the older men and encouraged their breakfast group meetings. Since the older men were no longer actively engaged at work, they had to imagine how things really operated. They listened carefully to stories about the active world of business, government, politics, health care, science, and leadership told to them by others.
The men were curious about many of the stories they heard, but they were most curious about Civility as a super solution to social challenges. They were told that Civility could fix politics, solve tough problems, promote personal growth, reinsert facts and logic into debate, revive trust, social relationships and institutions, and restore the balance between individuals and community.
They remembered Indiana as a very special place with great leaders. They recognized Birch and Evan Bayh, VP’s Quayle and Pence, representatives Lee Hamilton and Julia Carson, Indianapolis mayors Hudnut, Goldsmith, Petersen, Ballard and Hogsett, mayor and senator Lugar, but especially Governor Mitch Daniels. They knew that Daniels had been effective for Indiana, America and Purdue. Did Daniels believe in this Civility miracle solution?
The older men argued day and night about Civility. “Civility must be too simple,” claimed the first man. He had heard stories that it ignores real differences and big solutions.
“No, you must be wrong,” argued the second man. “Civility is complicated, combining values and habits in search of perfection. That is why people struggle to follow it.”
“You’re wrong! Civility seeks compromise, the middle ground and the golden mean. It combines the best that participants can offer,” said the third man.
“Please,” said the fourth man. “You are all mistaken. Civility grandly guarantees that it can solve all problems and conflicts! You know how people exaggerate.”
“How can you be so naïve,” exclaimed the fifth man. “Civility simply rationalizes weak, overly sensitive behaviors that avoid conflict and deny human nature.”
“Civility ignores passion and the emotions,” cried the sixth man. “It eliminates feelings, values, and intuitions by emphasizing cold rationality alone.”
“I am sure that Civility is a leftist plot,” said the seventh man. “That would explain why it emphasizes the importance and legitimacy of government.”
“On the contrary,” declared the eighth man. “Civility is a Republican scheme to return to the 1950’s with its mindless emphasis on a single culture, morality, character and values.”
Finally, the neighbors grew tired of all the arguments, and arranged for the curious men to visit the home office of Mr. Daniels to learn the truth about Civility.
When the men reached the home a half-hour ahead of schedule, they were greeted by an old friend who managed the governor’s visitors. Their friend led them to a waiting room where they watched a 10-minute video on Civility. The retired men quickly began to argue.
The first man stood up and exclaimed. “Civility is just common sense, nothing special.”
The second man misquoted the video. “Civility claims that all people can get along and all problems can be solved,” he announced.
The third man disagreed. “I was right,” he decided. “Civility is a tool of the powerful to maintain the status quo.”
The fourth man criticized Civility’s idealism. “What we have here,” he said, “is a sort of cult, invoking magical practices to reach utopian ends.”
The fifth man responded, “Civility is hopelessly weak because it asserts that strong emotions, interpersonal relations, sensitivity and hospitality can mend all fences.”
The sixth man stated, “Civility is very powerful. It allows groups and individuals to acquire and use power for their own ends, while dismissing the needs and desires of others.”
The seventh man considered the actors in the presentation. “Civility elevates individuals and personal growth above church and community, so it must favor Democrats,” he said.
The eighth man was shocked. “Why, Civility is nothing more than a way for the powerful to reassert social control through norms, taboos and shunning,” he scoffed.
The governor’s aide led his friends to the kitchen. “Sit here and rest,” he said. “I will bring you something to drink.”
While they waited, the eight men talked about Civility.
“Civility is just politeness, rules and etiquette. It is a surface level approach,” said the first man. “Surely we can finally agree on that.”
“Just politeness? Civility aims to transform men, institutions and society” answered the second man.
“Transformation? Civility focuses just on process, promotes elite values and prevents real arguments and solutions” insisted the third man.
“It’s impossible for everyone to develop such powerful skills that effectively bridge real human differences,” said the fourth man.
“Civility merely assumes that better skills, processes and values can manage differences, conflicts and human nature through the forces of goodwill,” noted the fifth man.
“Civility provides a socially approved way for individuals to emphasize form over substance. They can perform in a civil manner without really addressing the needs of others,” cautioned the sixth man.
“Socialist subjectivity and radical tolerance. There’s no doubt,” said the seventh man.
“Don’t you see?” pleaded the eighth man. “Civility is intended to keep us occupied and distracted by small issues and away from the larger issues of systematic injustice. Someone is using Civility to trick us.”
Their argument continued and their shouts grew louder and louder.
“Too simple!” “Too complex!” “Too moderate!” “Too extreme!” “Too soft!” “Too hard!” “Too liberal!” “Too conservative!”
“Stop shouting!” called a very angry voice.
It was Purdue President emeritus Daniels, disturbed by the noisy argument.
“How can each of you be so certain you are right?” asked the former governor.
The eight men considered the question. And then, knowing the budget director to be a very wise man, they decided to say nothing at all.
“Civility combines values, skills and behaviors to solve problems and build relations,” said Mr. Daniels. “Each of you exaggerates the importance of only one part. Perhaps if you put the parts together, you will see the truth. Now, let me finish my morning in peace.”
When their friend returned with drinks, the eight men rested quietly, thinking about their leader’s advice.
“He is right,” said the first man. “To learn the truth, we must put all the parts together. Let’s discuss this on the journey home.”
The first man found his seat on the senior bus. The second man found his seat, and so on until all eight men were ready to travel together.
References (and apologies …)
Peace Corps – The Blind Men and the Elephant
Civility is Nonpartisan – Good News
Civility is Not Simple or Easy – Good News
Opposition to Civility is Unconvincing – Good News
Opposition to Civility is Unconvincing (2) – Good News
