Preface

Civility References (0-3) – Good News

Civility Prayers (0-5) – Good News

Civility

Civility Defined (1-1) – Good News

Civility Misperceptions (1-2) – Good News

Creating a Virtuous Cycle With Civility (1-3) – Good News

Social Norm of Civility (1-4) – Good News

Social Context

Context: Toyota Corolla or ’57 Chevy? (2-1) – Good News

Root Causes of the Decline of Civility (2-2) – Good News

Our Political Situation (2-3) – Good News

Prospects for Civility (2-4) – Good News

Values

Civility Values (3-1) – Good News

Moral Values (3-2) – Good News

Motivation for Civility (3-3) – Good News

Inspiration for Civility (3-4) – Good News

Behaviors

Civility Behaviors (4-0) – Good News

Emotional Awareness (4-1) – Good News

Feelings Wheel (4-1W) – Good News

Self-Assessment (4-2) – Good News

Gallup Strengths (4-2S) – Good News

Emotional Self-Control (4-11) – Good News

Adaptability (4-12) – Good News

Achievement Motivation (4-13) – Good News

Trustworthiness (4-14) – Good News

Empathy (5-1) – Good News

Active Listening (5-2) – Good News

Active Listening 2 (5-3) – Good News

Crucial Conversations (5-10) – Good News

Things We Have In Common (5-11) – Good News

Patience and Interrupting (5-12) – Good News

Mirroring and Matching Communications (5-13) – Good News

Listen to Understand (5-14) – Good News

Maintaining Self-Respect and Boundaries (6-1) – Good News

Authenticity (6-2) – Good News

Positivity (6-3) – Good News

Resilience (6-4) – Good News

Distinguishing I and You Statements (6-5) – Good News

Problem First Protocol (6-6) – Good News

Challenges

What Americans Have In Common (7-1) – Good News

The 8 Older Men and Civility (7-2) – Good News

Challenges to Adopting Civility (7-3) – Good News

Overcoming the Limitations of Human Nature (7-4) – Good News

Social Capital: Individualism vs Community (8-1) – Good News

Protecting Your Identity (8-2) – Good News

DEI and Authority, Honor and Loyalty (8-3) – Good News

Tolerance and Truth (8-4) – Good News

Moral Foundations Theory / The Righteous Mind (9-1) – Good News

Political Attitudes and Actions (9-2) – Good News

Reducing Political Polarization (9-3) – Good News

A Pox on Both of Your Houses (9-4) – Good News

Actions

Civility Taboos (10-1) – Good News

Responding to Incivility (10-2) – Good News

Creating Safe Spaces for Civility (10-3) – Good News

Everyday Civility Actions (10-4) – Good News

Leading the Civility Revolution (10-5) – Good News

Ex 10-5: How I Will Lead the “Viral” Civility Revolution in My Communities

Activity: Circle 10-15 action items in at least 5 different categories

1. Practice Civility

• Choose one local government board and attend their monthly meetings to observe Civil and uncivil behavior.
• Invest in social capital – hospitality – attend or host a block party.
• Invest in social capital – hospitality – join a dinner club or participate in a pink flamingo/”pitch in” party.
• Invest in social capital – hospitality – host or participate in a “porching” activity.
• Invest in social capital – participate in a single organization.
• Invest in social capital – visit a local “third place” once a month.
• Invest in social capital – volunteer for a single organization.
• Invest time practicing your religion or philosophy to make it more effective for you and your community.
• Join a civic organization and participate actively.
• Join a Toastmasters club to improve communications skills.
• Join and participate in Braver Angels.
• Join the League of Women Voters or another nonpartisan civic advocacy group.
• Practice becoming aware of subconscious moral, political and religious choices and ability to examine them.
• Practice the 14 “everyday” Civility steps.

2. Learn More About Civility

• Apply for a leadership development program like the Hamilton County Leadership Academy.
• Apply for political leadership training with your political party.
• Complete a personal values clarification exercise and ensure that the 7 Civility values fit you well.
• Complete a personality profile class to contrast your strengths and opportunities as “paired sets”.
• Complete a personality profile class to contrast your strengths with family members and coworkers.
• Complete a personality profile or Gallup strengths/talents class to understand your strengths and opportunities.
• Discuss with your professional/personal mentor how Civility training, leadership and practice fit with your goals.
• Enroll in a Situational Leadership class to learn Civility skills and practice responsibility.
• Enroll in an “Oz Principle” management development class to improve responsibility and problem-solving skills.
• Obtain library audio versions of the 40 Civility books for use in your commute or exercise time.
• Pursue professional designation/license training courses that cover Civility topics.
• Read and discuss the 40 Civility books (skills and overviews).
• Reread previous professional development / organizational development /management courses for Civility content.
• Research media bias and subscribe to a high-quality fact-based newspaper or magazine.
• Subscribe to a “good news” source that emphasizes the amazing progress of individuals and mankind.
• Subscribe to a few Civility blogs, organizations and news sources.
• Take advantage of continuing professional education seminars that overlap with Civility skills.
• Take advantage of free online courses, videos and book summaries for problem-solving topics.
• Work through your Diversity, Equity, Inclusion courses and cross-reference the content to the Civility values and skills.

3. Master “Advanced” Civility Insights

• Master Haidt’s “rider and elephant”, Kahneman’s “thinking, fast and slow” and Allen’s “time management”.
• Master the 9 moral foundations of politics; explain why each is natural, attractive and valid.
• Master the definition of Civility and the 7 values and 7 skills.
• Master the misperceptions of Civility and be able to communicate this to others.
• Research and confirm the nonpartisan Civility values and skills to persuade others.
• Research and embrace the central role of influence, persuasion, marketing, power, negotiation and leadership in life.
• Research and master the critical concept of win/win, both/and compared with win/lose, either/or thinking.
• Research and master the ideas of tolerance and truth-telling as applied in Civility.

4. Become “Highly Motivated”

• Add skilled communicator, relationship builder and problem solver to your personal identity as you practice Civility.
• Affirm that courageously applying Civility skills will be perceived positively by almost everyone.
• Affirm your personal right to choose and not be led into “victim” positions by others.
• Define your duty to practice Civility – supported by religion or philosophy
• Define your primary duty to practice Civility.
• Determine what motivates and inspires you to practice Civility.
• Develop courage by – identifying how strong Civility skills build security in all arenas.
• Develop courage by – identifying your emotional and multiple intelligence talents.
• Develop courage by – partnering with others.
• Develop courage by – practicing centering and meditation exercises.
• Recognize that Civility, personal growth, character and religion are inherently life-long development areas worthy of your time.
• Reflect on your personal experience in undertaking long-term learning and doing projects.
• Review and deeply consider how Civility skills can help in personal, work, neighbor, church, political environments.
• Review and deeply consider the personal and professional benefits of improving Civility skills.
• Study and confirm your religion/philosophy’s support of the 7 Civility values.
• Summarize your reasons for investing in “practicing Civility”.

5. Make Commitments

• Create a personal and professional Civility growth plan.
• Encourage your church, work, club, neighborhood, representative to adopt a Civility pledge.
• Make a one-year Civility partner agreement with someone.
• Make a personal Civility pledge.

6. Pray for Progress

• Pray for all individuals to become more self-aware of their biases and blind spots and find ways to improve.
• Pray for our national leaders to re-establish a Civil discussion on how to improve our institutions.
• Pray for all national leaders to re-establish a Civil discussion of the most important policy topics.
• Pray for guidance as to how you can be more effective in practicing Civility for the benefit of your communities.
• Pray for leaders of the modern Civility movement to refine, modify and improve their ideas, communications and actions.
• Pray for leadership in all organizations to encourage the practice of Civility skills and values.
• Pray for our business leaders to invest in Civility training to benefit their organizations, employees and society.
• Pray for our religious leaders to more effectively communicate and inspire individuals to consider the biggest questions.
• Pray for our society and leaders to address the root causes of insecurity that haunt so many of us today.
• Pray for our universities and social scientists to more effectively summarize, teach and apply the Civility skills for all.
• Pray for political leaders to see that Civility is necessary for our democracy and to actively reduce polarization.
• Pray for strength to apply Civility skills and values in the most challenging situations.
• Pray for support on the most challenging dimensions of practicing Civility and living the Civility values.

7. Use My Power to Influence

• Encourage your precinct committee person to promote Civility in your political party.
• Help to create a safe place for Civility – at church
• Help to create a safe place for Civility – at home
• Help to create a safe place for Civility – at work
• Propose some of the 40 Civility books for your book club.
• Use social media tools to share and promote Civility articles and opportunities.
• Volunteer for the board of your homeowners’ association.

8. Choose to Lead

• Apply to be appointed to a local government advisory board.
• Ask for the opportunity to lead a project team or workgroup to increase opportunities to practice Civility.
• Choose one organization, team, committee or project team and lead Civility programs for it.
• Encourage your children to enroll in scouts, youth development, civics, youth exchange or student affairs programs.
• Enroll in a Civility ambassador program with an organization.
• Lead a book study on one of the 40 Civility books.
• Offer to serve as a Civility mentor to one person for one year.
• Self-identify as a Civility ambassador, champion or “Civiliteer”; include this role on your email signature.
• Volunteer as a youth leader to increase opportunities to practice Civility.
• Volunteer for a team, group or project leader position in a club, neighborhood, church, civic or not-for-profit organization.
• Volunteer to co-lead the “Practicing Civility” workshop as assigned by a Civility organization.
• Volunteer to teach any topic – church, scouts, work, club, sports, professional – to improve communications skills.

Ex 10-4: Everyday Civility Actions

Question 1: Is the core or essence of Civility this straightforward?

Question 2: Can everyone practice Civility?

Question 3: Can we “sell” this set of Civility behaviors to everyone?

Question 4: What prevents this version of Civility from becoming a cultural norm?

1. Communicate effectively: active listening, seek to understand, solutions, facts versus opinions, ideas not people, engage, don’t interrupt, use “I statements”, proper tone.
2. Self-control: think twice, choose your battles, manage emotions, be patient.
3. Be Responsible: own the process, fulfill commitments, respond promptly, manage shared spaces, clean up after yourself.
4. Be Authentic: walk the talk, follow the golden rule, say what you mean.
5. Apologize sincerely.
6. Address incivility.
7. Value “others”: follow team rules, consider other’s perspectives, empathize, seek the common good, provide constructive feedback.
8. Be Respectful: others, priorities, viewpoints, ideas, solutions, politics, religion, identity, feelings, history, relations, ownership, time, timelines, commitments, while disagreeing, focus, engage, privacy, boundaries, situations.
9. Recognize: others, efforts, contributions, teams, leaders, peers, suppliers, partners, culture.
10. Manage relationships: invest time, listening, empathy, understanding, feedback, follow-up, heads-up, no surprises, motivate, shared accountability, fair share, dirty work, spotlight, recognition, opportunities.
11. Be Inclusive: celebrate differences, welcome, encourage, open, honest, sensitive, listen, access, opportunities, voices, roles, safety, protection.
12. Be Positive.
13. Be Kind.
14. Be Polite.

Ex 10-3: Creating “Safe Spaces” for Practicing Civility

“The Courageous Circle” demonstrates how a foundation of safety allows people to take risks they would otherwise avoid.

 The Setup (2 Minutes)

* The Rule: Establish a “Civility Protocol.” For the next 15 minutes, everyone agrees to:

1. Listen to understand, not to rebut.

 2. Suspend judgment (replace “That’s wrong” with “Tell me more”).

 3. Acknowledge intent (assume everyone is acting in good faith).

Step 1: The “Safe” Share (4 Minutes)

Ask everyone to pair up. Each person has 90 seconds to share a low-stakes opinion they usually keep to themselves (e.g., “I think the 4-day work week is actually more stressful” or “I think our team meetings are 10 minutes too long”).  The Goal: Practice the Civility Protocol. The listener simply nods and says, “Thank you for sharing that perspective.”

Step 2: The “Courage” Leap (6 Minutes)

In the same pairs, up the ante. Ask each person to share a professional or personal concern: (I don’t understand artificial intelligence.  I no longer read a daily newspaper.  I’m terrified of public speaking.  I block annoying people on social media.  I’m afraid democracy doesn’t work anymore.).

* The Twist: Because the first round established a “no-fire zone,” participants feel the psychological safety necessary to be vulnerable.

* The Listener’s Job: Ask one curious, non-judgmental question: “What would need to change for you to feel more confident about that?”

Step 3: The De-Brief (3 Minutes)

Bring the group back together and ask two questions:

   1. “How did the Civility Protocol change your willingness to be honest in the second round?”

   2. “Did it take more or less courage to speak when you knew you wouldn’t be attacked?”

The Takeaway: Civility isn’t about being “nice”; it’s about creating a predictable environment where the “cost” of being brave is lowered.

Creating safe spaces for Civility requires intentional, structured efforts to foster mutual respect, trust, and psychological safety, allowing for open dialogue without fear of harassment or personal attacks. The process involves establishing clear behavioral expectations, training participants, and modeling respectful behavior.

1. Establish Foundational Rules and Expectations

• Define Civility and Create a Code of Conduct: Clearly define what respectful behavior looks like in your context: listening without interrupting, asking curious questions rather than making assumptions, addressing conflict directly, speaking directly, exact role of tolerance, “off limits” topics or views, agreed upon taboos, positivity. This should be coordinated with the definition of your desired “corporate culture”.

• Ground Rules: Set norms to ensure shared ownership. Examples include using “I” statements, separating people from problems, avoiding “us-versus-them” language, decency, no fear, no polarization, no threats, bullying or harassment, no lies, no violence, no personal criticism, zingers, insults or sarcasm, separate facts and opinions, proactive time and topic management, welcoming “others” without condoning acts or speech, procedural rules.

• Set Confidentiality Guidelines: identity of persons, communications, quotations, photos, images, likenesses, documents, arguments, data, files, intellectual property, legal requirements and exceptions.   

2. Implement Leadership and Modeling

• Lead by Example: Leaders model respectful communication, actively listen, welcome all and show empathy.  Leaders use their power to prevent, stop, correct and mitigate uncivil behavior.  Maintain independence as the moderator.  Promote collaboration and participation.

• Acknowledge Potential Power Dynamics: Power and privilege can shape interactions.  Welcome all individuals and groups to share on an equal basis.  Encourage “brave spaces” that allow for vulnerability, where leaders welcome feedback and admit mistakes to show it is safe to do so.

• Ensure Accountability: Swiftly and consistently address incidents of incivility or harassment to demonstrate that respectful behavior is non-negotiable. Provide known, independent avenues for investigation of claims against leaders or participants.  Use stated parliamentary procedures to manage regular interactions.  Require compliance with definitions, codes, rules, procedures and rulings.

3. Cultivate an Inclusive and Welcoming Atmosphere

• Promote Inclusivity: Actively ensure that diverse perspectives are heard and valued, which builds a stronger sense of belonging.  Define role of “trigger warnings” and “microaggressions”.  Prohibit use of language, actions or symbols to divide or intimidate.  Address history that can undermine Civility today.  Share leadership opportunities.  Accommodate requests for assistance.  Value different intelligences, personality and learning styles.

• Create Physical/Virtual Safety: Choose accessible, neutral locations for meetings. In virtual spaces, ensure tools like closed captioning are available.

• Use Inclusive Language: Be mindful of tone and impact, avoiding discriminatory language.  Welcome the use of varied languages/dialects and communications styles.  Encourage but do not require participation.

4. Provide Civility Training and Tools

• Offer Civility Training: Equip people with emotional intelligence, active listening, and conflict resolution skills.

• Train Facilitators: Use trained “civility champions” to manage high-emotion conversations and guide dialogue constructively.

• Utilize De-escalation Strategies: Train participants to use techniques like CLARA (Calm, Listen, Acknowledge, Respond, Assess) to handle tense situations.

5. Sustain and Reinforce the Culture

• Recognize and Reward Civility: Publicly acknowledge individuals who demonstrate respectful, collaborative behavior.

• Encourage Feedback: Create anonymous or safe channels for feedback to assess the environment regularly.  Encourage participants to directly give and welcome feedback.

• Make it Ongoing: Civility is not a one-time initiative; provide regular training and reminders of the established norms.

By implementing these steps, organizations can move from an “indifferent” space to one that actively fosters respect, increasing engagement, resolving conflict and solving problems.

[1] https://www.loebleadership.com/insights/ten-tips-creating-respect-civility-in-your-workplace

[2] https://www.uottawa.ca/research-innovation/sites/g/files/bhrskd326/files/2025-10/bhi_safe_spaces_tips_en.pdf

[3] https://www.inclusivv.co/blog/how-to-scale-civility-across-your-organization

[4] https://www.forbes.com/councils/forbesbusinesscouncil/2025/01/10/workplace-civility-building-respectful-work-environments-to-drive-performance-and-productivity/

[5] https://extension.unr.edu/publication.aspx?PubID=5268

[6] https://www.shrm.org/content/dam/en/shrm/topics-tools/topics/civility/shrm-5-steps-for-encouraging-civil-conversations-at-work.pdf

[7] https://www.voiceatthetable.com/blog/7-tips-for-creating-safe-spaces-for-speaking-out/

[8] https://leadershipinspirations.com/creating-a-safe-space/

[10] https://www.oneworkforcelincs.co.uk/value/belonging/psychological-safety/top-tips-for-creating-a-psychologically-safe-environment

[11] https://www.shrm.org/content/dam/en/shrm/topics-tools/topics/civility/shrm-workplace-civility-handbook.pdf

[12] https://www.newleaders.org/blog/creating-safe-and-brave-spaces-fostering-psychological-safety-in-schools

[13] https://eocc.lehigh.edu/sites/eocc.lehigh.edu/files/Syntrio-Essential-Guide-to-Creating-a-Civil-and-Respectful-Workplace-210426-wev.pdf

[14] https://www.iofc.ch/stories/10-tips-creating-safe-space

[16] https://safecarebc.ca/topics/respect-and-civility-in-the-workplace/

Ex 10-2: Responding to Incivility

Question: Which model(s) will you master and use?

Google AI – April 2, 2026

Several exercises and models can be used to illustrate and practice effective responses to uncivil speech, focusing on techniques like cognitive rehearsal, assertive communication, and role-playing. [1, 2, 3]

1. Cognitive Rehearsal (Rehearsing Responses)

This evidence-based framework involves practicing specific, calm responses to anticipated uncivil remarks, allowing individuals to react constructively under stress.

• Exercise: Create a list of common uncivil behaviors (e.g., sarcastic comments, interruptions, eyerolling) and have participants practice verbal responses.
• Sample Phrases to Rehearse:
  • “I feel uncomfortable when…”
  • “Please don’t interrupt me.”
  • “Let’s focus on the facts.”
  • “Please explain your comment without sarcasm”. [2, 6, 7, 8]

2. The DESC Model for Assertive Communication

The DESC model provides a structured approach to addressing behavior without becoming aggressive.

• D – Describe: Describe the specific, unwanted behavior (e.g., “When you raised your voice during the meeting…”)
• E – Express: Express how the situation makes you feel using “I” statements (e.g., “…I felt dismissed.”)
• S – Suggest/Specify: Suggest an alternative behavior or specify what you need (e.g., “Please let me finish my point.”)
• C – Consequences: Outline the consequences of continued behavior (e.g., “This allows us to work together efficiently”). [9, 10, 11, 12]

3. Role-Playing “Draggles and Wowzers”

A 45-minute interactive exercise where participants act out scenarios of uncivil behavior (known as “Draggles”) in a classroom or workplace, with others practicing constructive intervention techniques.

• Goal: To help participants identify, experience, and intervene in hurtful behaviors while in a safe environment. [1]

4. Bystander Intervention Training (The 5 D’s)

If you witness incivility rather than experience it directly, use these techniques to interrupt the cycle:

• Direct: Directly address the person being uncivil (e.g., “That comment was offensive”).
• Distract: Interrupt the interaction by asking a completely different question to the target.
• Delegate: Find someone else, such as a manager, to intervene.
• Delay: Check in with the target later to offer support.
• Document: Take notes on what was said/done for reporting purposes. [7, 14, 15]

5. Civility Self-Reflection Exercise

• Activity: Have individuals read statements about their behavior—such as “When a conversation gets heated, I act as an inflamer/listener/inquirer”—and reflect on how their reactions contribute to or de-escalate incivility. [17]

• Name the Behavior: Clearly label what is happening, e.g., “That was a personal attack,” rather than addressing the subject matter.
• Use Silence: Allowing silence after an uncivil comment can break the momentum and highlight the rudeness of the remark.
• Set Boundaries: State clear expectations for future interaction. [7, 9, 17]

[1] https://absel-ojs-ttu.tdl.org/absel/article/view/3067/3065

[2] https://www.myamericannurse.com/cne-civility/

[3] https://www.scribd.com/document/441662733/3-4-Assertive-Communication-Practice

[4] https://search.proquest.com/openview/2231a24f31fe643d95385e6838641d7e/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=35533

[5] https://journals.healio.com/doi/10.3928/00220124-20200514-04

[6] https://ncpre.csl.illinois.edu/holding/incivility-and-bullying-quick-tips

[7] https://titleix.sfsu.edu/sites/default/files/documents/Civility%20in%20the%20Workplace.%20Heather%20Borlase%20and%20Fred%20Smith.%20062821.pdf

[8] https://www.timjacksonphd.com/content/files/2025/04/Comparing-ostracism-and-incivility.2016.pdf

[9] https://www.ons.org/publications-research/voice/news-views/03-2019/recognize-and-respond-incivility-nursing

[10] https://www.k-state.edu/media-communication/about/icdd/discussionguide/Civility%20and%20Inclusion%20in%20the%20Workplace%20-%20A%20Communication%20Workshop.pdf

[11] https://quizlet.com/study-guides/desc-conflict-resolution-describe-express-state-consequences-5f96cbc8-eaa4-410a-b7d6-9a70e7aa11f6

[12] https://iveronicawalsh.wordpress.com/2023/09/05/an-cbt-thought-reframe-example/

[13] https://www.wbconsultingllc.com/wblog/interrupting-incivility

[14] https://fiveable.me/social-psychology/unit-12/reducing-aggression-violence/study-guide/RP0IkiDWO17TTFkh

[15] https://sta.uwi.edu/eng/electrical/sites/default/files/electrical/documents/Student%20Awareness%20Session%20-%20Countering%20Discriminations.pdf

[16] https://www.sphere-ed.org/publication/principles-civil-discourse-primer

[17] https://www.uscourts.gov/about-federal-courts/educational-resources/educational-activities/civil-discourse-and-difficult-decisions/civility-self-reflection-exercise-civil-discourse-and-difficult-decisions

6. More detailed suggestions:

Effective responses to uncivil speech involve staying calm, setting clear boundaries, and using counter speech to address, rather than amplify, hostility. Strategies include calling out disrespectful behavior, using humor or facts, rephrasing harmful remarks, or disengaging. Key approaches include:

• Set Boundaries: State clearly that the language is unacceptable and ask for a rephrase.
• Use Counter speech: Counteract hate with facts, empathy, or humor rather than engaging in a fight.
• Redirect the Topic: Reframe the conversation toward accountability rather than the defensive, per a Quora answer on handling rude speech.
• Report & Block: Utilize platform reporting tools for harassment on social media, says a study on standing up to hate. [1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7]

Key Strategies in Detail:

• Pause and Act Calmly: Avoid reacting emotionally, which often fuels the uncivil behavior.
• Acknowledge Rights, Criticize Speech: Acknowledge a person’s right to speak but state that their, “comments were rude, cruel, offensive, or unacceptable,” explains a Quora user..
• Highlight Hypocrisy: Point out the inconsistency of defending hostile speech while demanding accountability, says a
• Engage Bystanders: Encourage others to report or comment, creating a normative pressure against uncivil, comments the Dangerous Speech Project.
• Disengage: If the behavior continues, walking away or stopping engagement is an effective, powerful option. [1, 3, 4, 8, 9, 10, 11]

[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUKkApwLYrk

[2] https://www.dangerousspeech.org/counterspeech

[3] https://www.quora.com/Whats-a-good-way-to-respond-when-someone-says-something-rude-harmful-and-justifies-it-with-freedom-of-speech

[4] https://www.dangerousspeech.org/thematics/research-review

[5] https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/1369118X.2026.2636131

[6] https://www.quora.com/Whats-a-good-way-to-respond-when-someone-says-something-rude-harmful-and-justifies-it-with-freedom-of-speech

[7] https://www.crimrxiv.com/pub/wg16c4ls

[8] https://www.asha.org/about/civility-scenarios/

[9] https://www.un.org/en/hate-speech/take-action/engage

[10] https://www.quora.com/Whats-a-good-way-to-respond-when-someone-says-something-rude-harmful-and-justifies-it-with-freedom-of-speech

[11] https://www.quora.com/Whats-a-good-way-to-respond-when-someone-says-something-rude-harmful-and-justifies-it-with-freedom-of-speech

Ex 10-1: Evaluating the Civility Taboos

Question 1:  Identify 5 items that are not “taboo”.  Another 5 that are “marginal”?

Question 2: Are there other taboos to enforce in our shared public life?

Introduction

Cultures exist because individuals need to be combined into communities. Without cultural norms, expectations, education, rewards, penalties and taboos there wouldn’t be any culture, community or civilization. Modern “Civility” is a set of values, skills and behaviors required to hold together a diverse, multicultural society like the United States. With the growing breakdown of historic western Christian culture, the US needs to actively embrace the values subset of “Civility” in order to make our political, social and economic worlds function effectively. This requires society – and its leaders and influencers – to clearly define select important aspirational values AND to define what is TABOO, poison, shunned, beyond the pale, unacceptable, and rejected by all. We focus on the Civility values.

MODERN TABOOS FOR EVERYONE

1. Angry outbursts and yelling.
2. Attacking ideas, opinions and proposals without reason.
3. Raising personal opinions, values or interests above professional responsibility.
4. Ignoring uncivil actions.
5. Allowing high value-added performers to ignore civility standards.
6. Insults or ridicule.
7. Blame or gossip.
8. Taking credit for others’ work.
9. Slavery, torture, rape, female genital mutilation, child marriage.
10. Bullying.
11. Forced marriage.
12. Arbitrary imprisonment.
13. Commercialization of human life, prostitution.
14. Voting rights limits.
15. Group discrimination, shaming.
16. Ignoring or neglecting others; individuals or local groups.
17. Addressing individuals with disrespect.
18. Treating individuals as a means, a class member, rather than a human being, an infinitely valuable end [Immanuel Kant].
19. Gaslighting.
20. Ignoring questions of race, nationality, gender, sexuality, disabilities or mental health.
21. Arbitrarily rejecting personal choices about personal fashion, modesty or body image.
22. Arbitrarily rejecting proposed reparations for historical group damages.
23. Failing to recognize that policies that benefit minorities might unfairly harm majorities.
24. Embracing victimhood.
25. Abdicating responsibility for making personal choices.
26. Failing to use logic to make choices; following will, desire or emotion alone.
27. Failing to define and pursue personal goals.
28. Failing to consider the consequences of one’s personal actions.
29. Allowing others to strictly determine one’s choices (family, groups, ideologies, professionals, experts, science, leaders, political parties, public opinion).
30. Blaming others, making excuses, hiding mistakes.
31. Avoiding personal responsibility by distracting others.
32. Lying, being dishonest.
33. Betraying a group that you should be loyal to.
34. Supporting an individual or group whose legitimacy you question.
35. Strictly promoting personal self-interest above the needs of the community.
36. Ignoring civic participation duties.
37. Failing to trust others and groups after they have trusted you.
38. Ignoring community interests.
39. Allowing others to transgress shared community norms.
40. Ignoring others on a day-to-day basis.
41. Not listening; interrupting, undermining.
42. Failing to participate in group activities.
43. Ignoring, discounting or undermining others’ attempts to contribute to group decision making.
44. Dominating conversations, especially after being placed on notice.
45. Constant negativity, challenges and skepticism.

Summary

Taboos are a critical dimension of a deeply held moral framework. Civility is based upon society agreeing that some values and their implications are “rock solid”. A few of the taboos above are mainly embraced by the left, but ALL 45 (!!!!!!) are embraced by a supermajority of citizens.

The “liberal” virtue of tolerance can be interpreted as THE value, an allegedly supreme value more important than all/any others. It must NOT be elevated to this dominant role. Tolerance is important but it is not controlling.

Hence, the underlying Civility values of human dignity, respect, acceptance, responsibility, public spiritedness, intentionality, interaction and positivity combine to form a successful common framework for all.

Taboos provide the negative (unacceptable) side of values. Civil people, irrespective of their political opinions, must reject these beliefs, opinions, actions and communications. TRUTH is the ultimate standard. We must all reject beliefs that conflict with the truth.

Avoiding/rejecting these taboos is not easy. We humans are still imperfect. We have to work and work and work to reach for the positive dimensions of the proposed subset of civility virtues and avoid the taboos.