Our political systems are broken. The Supreme Court’s decision to make race an unconstitutional factor in determining voting districts will probably reduce racial minority representation significantly as partisan political parties are no longer legally constrained by this limit. State level gerrymandering is proceeding towards 80% to 90% of seats being captured by the larger party whenever possible. Minority representation is greatly reduced or eliminated. Polarization increases. Citizen buy-in decreases.
It may be that the American people have had enough. Some states will adopt independent commissions to draw congressional and state districts.
Another option is proportional representation. Define multi-member districts so that minority group, party and sub-party groups are more likely to be represented closer to their proportion of the vote.
Proportional representation requires important choices about the size of districts (typically 3-8 members is ideal) and the balance between party and candidate importance (a balanced approach is recommended).
Ranked choice voting systems can also be implemented with proportional or our existing single member districts. Ranked choice systems allow voters to express more of their preferences for candidates and parties.
A 1967 federal law requires single member congressional districts. It could be repealed by Congress to allow states to experiment with these options.
Few democracies worldwide still cling to single member/first past the post/winner take all districts. The US has historical experience with alternative member district rules.
Proportional representation is not a panacea. No voting system perfectly translates voter preferences into candidates and their subsequent votes. But proportional representation would help to reduce our polarized 2-party system, reduce the influence of money on elections and help voters to see and feel that their votes matter.
As of April, 2026 the US economy has survived 16 months of Trumpian economic malpractice.
Tariffs have cost each family $2,000 annually, acting as a huge tax increase. Suppliers and importers have absorbed less than one-fourth of the increased costs.
Tariffs and surrounding uncertainty have stopped normal business investments, R&D and new hiring.
$34 billion of green energy projects have been cancelled.
Manufacturing employment continues to decline.
Foreign born employment has been flat, after increasing by 4 million during 2022-24 to 31.8 million.
Farm bankruptcies grew by 46% due to retaliatory tariffs, labor shortages and input cost increases.
Mortgage rates have increased by 1% compared to the federal funds rate due to increased inflation, budget deficits and Fed independence concerns. In time, that is an extra $1,500 annually for every home mortgage.
Inflation was trending towards its 2% target. Trump policies have increased it to 3% and rising. This costs the median family budget $1,000 per year.
The DOGE initiatives and government shutdowns have made the federal government much less effective in performing its core functions.
Reduced IRS staffing is forecast to reduce revenue collections by $750 billion per decade.
Higher import tariffs increase input costs to American manufacturers, placing small and medium sized firms at greater risk of bankruptcy.
The US credit rating has been reduced by Moody’s due to the growing budget deficit and uncertainties, adding to the long-run cost of servicing the $39 trillion debt. At a nominal 0.25% premium that adds another $700 per year to the average household’s cost for debt service.
Frozen, reduced and politicized federal R&D threaten future economic advances.
The value of the US dollar has declined by 10%, making imports more expensive and exports more attractive.
The consumer sentiment index has declined from 70 to 50, as low as the depths of the pandemic!
Trump has required coal-fired power plants to operate beyond their planned retirement dates, costing consumers $5 billion per year.
The Iran war costs the country $50 billion.
Weaker relations with others will cost the US $1-3 billion annually in reduced foreign travelers.
Why hasn’t the economy tanked? The Iran war and tariffs may combine to tip the US economy into recession before the end of 2026, but so far it has been very resilient. How is this possible?
The long-term trends point to dynamic and creative US business and labor sectors compared with other countries.
The US economy has moved from a high fixed cost manufacturing world to a diversified service and knowledge economy, diversifying its economy and risks.
The US economy is more globally competitive and able to use international trade to manage its risks.
The AI revolution has sparked a huge data center and electricity power investment cycle. This is a classic Keynesian investment multiplier-accelerator situation, driving large investments today to support future expected demand.
The US stock market valuation has grown based upon historical growth trends, US competitiveness and the expectation of future business-friendly policies (regulation, competition, taxation, trade).
The wealth effect of the stock market has boosted the K-shaped economy with higher income/wealth families continuing to spend.
The One Big Beautiful Bill is a classic Keynesian economic stimulus from lower effective tax rates. In the short-run, the bond markets have not yet determined that the US has reached the point where it’s deficit spending is unsustainable. It may be close to that limit.
The “exorbitant privilege” of the US dollar as the world’s reserve currency and hedge for economic uncertainty remains in place. This is another “tipping point” situation where at some time China and the EU become reasonable options and US government borrowing rates spike upwards.
The federal reserve bank has cut baseline interest rates from 5.3% to 3.6%, offering borrowers a loose monetary policy, even if Trump calls for even lower rates.
Annual new home construction starts remain at 1.3 million as builders bet that higher housing prices and an 8-year building deficit will have to be filled. Historically they would have reduced their investments.
Employers remember the pain of filling open positions after the pandemic and remain slow to make major job cuts that can be rationalized away.
3% inflation is “manageable” by producers and consumers, even if it is not at the nominal 2% target.
TACO: Trump has not maintained his headline import tariff levels.
US imports are only 14% of GDP, down from 17% in 2011. Tariff changes have a smaller impact.
US strength in trade negotiations has been confirmed. Other countries have mostly chosen not to implement significant retaliatory tariffs. China is an exception.
Health care job growth has continued as the US population ages and requires greater care funded by employer insurance, Medicare and savings.
The leisure and hospitality industry has added jobs as the pandemic travel rebound continues.
The energy industry investments in wind, solar and transmission continue after a decade of limited investments, despite Trump’s lack of current support.
Trump’s pro-business tax, regulation, enforcement and competition policies provide businesses with opportunities to grow their profits.
The core age labor force participation rate remains at an historically high 84%.
Global oil prices trended down by 25% during 2023-2025. They’re up by two-thirds in the last few months.
Labor force productivity growth has been 3%+ during 2023-2025 after 3 years of no growth in 2020-2022.
The US leads the world in scientific and economic innovation by a wide margin.
Trump’s policies have cost the typical American family about $5,000 per year on a base of $100,00. They feel this and reflect it in the consumer sentiment surveys.
The US economy is far more diversified, resilient, creative, innovative, responsive than it was historically. It is able to adapt to changing regulations, immigration, regulatory enforcement, tariffs and opportunities. It is well positioned to succeed in the new US and global environment.
Civility acts as a social norm by functioning as an unwritten contract of voluntary restraint, respect, and mutual recognition that governs interpersonal behavior, fostering trust and social cohesion. It serves as a navigational tool for social interaction, prioritizing the common good over self-interest.
Foundation of Mutual Respect: Civility is the recognition of the humanity and equality of others, demanding respect regardless of differences.
Behavioral Guidelines: Unlike polite etiquette, it is a deeper disposition involving empathy, patience, and honesty.
Social Cohesion: It reduces friction and prevents conflict, acting as the “glue” that allows diverse people to live peacefully.
Voluntary Constraint: Civility serves as a form of self-discipline and self-control, curbing harmful impulses without the need for legal force.
Function in Public Life: It enables productive, respectful disagreement and dialogue in communities and democratic life.
Several organizations and initiatives aim to establish civility as a social norm to reduce polarization and foster respectful discourse. Key groups include the National Institute for Civil Discourse, Braver Angels, the Institute for Civility, and the Civility Project, which focus on promoting respectful dialogue in political, public, and private spheres.
National Institute for Civil Discourse (NICD): Focuses on bridging political divides and promoting polite, constructive discourse in politics.
Braver Angels: A major organization working to reduce political polarization by fostering constructive dialogue between citizens with opposing views.
Institute for Civility: A non-profit dedicated to promoting civility in government, workplaces, and schools, aiming to build a more respectful society.
The Civility Project: Founded by journalists to help people with stark differences maintain healthy, respectful relationships.
National Civility Network (NCN): A collaboration of centers and institutes working on civic engagement and addressing political dysfunction.
Millennial Action Project: Engages young lawmakers to build bipartisan coalitions and promote a more collaborative political culture.
The Center on Civility and Democracy (CCD): Part of the Ronald Reagan Foundation, it promotes civil discourse and common ground.
SHRM (Society for Human Resource Management): Promotes workplace civility as a strategic imperative to create productive, positive cultures.
These groups often focus on transforming polarization into engagement, enhancing interpersonal relationships, and strengthening democracy through “internal constraints” of respectful communication.
A broad spectrum of Christian denominations, including Catholics, Lutherans (ELCA), Presbyterians (PCUSA), and many Evangelicals, support making civility a social norm, often framing it as “Christian civility”. These efforts focus on applying the Golden Rule and neighborly love to public discourse, emphasizing dignity, respect, and constructive engagement over political polarization.
Key groups and campaigns promoting this include:
[United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB)]: Launched the “Civilize It: Dignity Beyond the Debate” campaign, urging respectful dialogue in politics and community.
[Evangelical Leaders (NAE)]: The National Association of Evangelicals and leaders like Richard Mouw emphasize “uncommon decency” and treating others—including opponents—with dignity, believing this is a core Christian conviction rather than just good manners.
[Mainline Protestant Denominations (ELCA, PCUSA, Episcopal Church (USA))]: The Evangelical Lutheran Church in America and Presbyterian Church (USA) have supported initiatives like “Golden Rule 2020: A Call for Dignity and Respect in Politics”.
[Interfaith & Ecumenical Coalitions]: Various leaders, including those involved in “[A Covenant for Civility],” span across political lines to promote civil, safe spaces for public discourse.
Several states, through their legal, governmental, and bar associations, are actively working to mak civility a social and professional norm. Illinois, California, Texas, Colorado and Utah are noteworthy. Half of state legal associations include civility oaths.
The Council of State Governments is promoting “Service with Civility”.
Several state municipal associations have launched formal campaigns, pledges, and initiatives aimed at making civility a social norm in local government and public discourse. These efforts, often in response to rising polarization, focus on restoring respectful dialogue in council meetings and community interactions.
Key state municipal associations leading this effort include:
Georgia Municipal Association (GMA): In 2023, the GMA launched the “EMBRACE Civility” program in partnership with Georgia City Solutions to equip cities with resources, including a civility pledge and the “9 Pillars of Civility,” to combat incivility in local government. Numerous Georgia cities have been recognized as “Cities of Civility” through this program.
Municipal Association of South Carolina (MASC): MASC formally rolled out its civility initiative in 2022, naming the restoration of civility in local government a top priority. Their initiative urges local leaders to adopt civility pledges and resolutions in their council chambers, focusing on collaboration and consideration.
Illinois Municipal League (IML): The IML promotes a formal “Civility Pledge” to ensure communication between local elected and appointed officials remains open, honest, and transparent to build trust.
Pennsylvania Municipal League (PML): The PML has a dedicated “Civility Campaign” that encourages officials to sign a pledge to foster civility in the delivery of public services.
North Carolina League of Municipalities (NCLM): NCLM operates a “Commit to Civility” program that certifies municipal boards that complete training and commit to fostering respectful discourse in their communities.
Colorado Municipal League (CML): CML promotes “Civility Starts Here” principles, encouraging local leaders to focus on issues rather than individuals, listen actively, and manage emotions during public meetings.
Florida League of Cities (FLC): FLC offers training and resources for local governments to adopt civility pledges and meet ethics standards to foster better communication between officials and the public.
Note: The National League of Cities (NLC) also provides a national framework supporting these state-level actions, with many of its leaders hailing from the associations listed above.
Several professional associations, particularly in law, psychology, and management, actively promote civility as a social norm to improve discourse, workplace culture, and public health. Key organizations include the American Bar Association (ABA), American Psychological Association (APA), SHRM (Society for Human Resource Management), and the International City/County Management Association (ICMA).
Key Professional Associations and Initiatives
American Bar Association (ABA): Promotes civility as a core pillar of legal professionalism, issuing guidelines and training for attorneys to maintain respect, dignity, and courtesy in legal practice.
American Psychological Association (APA): Emphasizes civility, inclusion, and respect for dignity to foster better communication and professional environments.
SHRM (Society for Human Resource Management): Advocates for civility in the workplace, emphasizing empathy and respect to improve organizational health, performance, and employee engagement.
International City/County Management Association (ICMA): Partners in efforts to address the decline of civility in public discourse and governance.
Community Associations Institute (CAI): Implements a “Civility Pledge” for community associations to foster respectful interactions and responsible leadership.
National Civility Network (NCN): A coalition of academic centers dedicated to promoting civil discourse in public life.
Numerous universities actively promote civility as a core social norm, incorporating it into campus culture through specialized initiatives, codes of conduct, and dedicated community standards. Key institutions focusing on this include Carnegie Mellon University, Old Dominion University, Arcadia University, Stony Brook University, and Winston-Salem State University.
Key University Civility Initiatives & Policies:
Carnegie Mellon University (CMU): The Civility Initiatives strive to foster a community of dignity, conflict resolution, and mutual respect.
Old Dominion University (ODU): Civility: The Monarch Way focuses on building a safe, respectful environment, prohibiting bullying and harassment.
Stony Brook University: Emphasizes civility and civil discourse alongside diversity, caring, and respect.
Arcadia University: The Statement on Civility highlights respect, empathy, and responsible behavior.
Winston-Salem State University (WSSU): The Office of Community Standards & Civility promotes integrity, accountability, and respect.
Johns Hopkins University: Features the Civility Initiative, established to promote dialogue during polarized times.
Florida State University (FSU): Highlights a civility statement stressing the “dignity and worth of each person” and encouraging respectful disagreement.
Colby Community College: Includes specific conduct guidelines to curb toxic behaviors such as public hostility, ridicule, and name-calling.
Jamestown Community College: Implements classroom civility guidelines focused on fostering a safe environment.
University of Maryland Global Campus (UMGC): Incorporates a Code of Civility in its student handbook.
Some Republicans support civility as a social norm to maintain democratic stability, foster productive governance, and encourage respectful dialogue over political hostility. It is seen as a way to promote traditional values, enable compromise, and, for some, shift focus away from personal attacks toward policy, enhancing both social cohesion and political accountability.
Key reasons for supporting civility include:
Democratic Order and Stability: Civility is seen as essential for upholding democratic decorum and stabilizing the boundaries of conflict.
Effective Governance: Many believe that civility is crucial for bringing lawmakers together, reducing political hostility, and finding solutions through, rather than in spite of, differing viewpoints.
Encouraging Respectful Discourse: Supporters argue that civility promotes listening, understanding, and respectful treatment of others.
Reinforcing Traditional Values: Civility often aligns with the promotion of respect, personal responsibility, and traditional social conduct.
Political Strategy: Some studies suggest that advocating for civility can be a strategic move to focus on policy differences rather than identity politics, which can be beneficial in certain political environments. [
While a large majority of Republicans (85%) have regarded civility as very important, there is nuance in how it is interpreted, with some emphasizing it as a necessary reduction in political toxicity, while others may view the push for it as a distraction from deeper policy debates, or as a way to control the political narrative.
Some Republicans support making civility a social norm because they view it as a practical tool for effective governance, a protector of democratic stability, and a reflection of core conservative values like respect for authority and human dignity. They argue that without a baseline of mutual respect, the “American experiment” is threatened by hyper-polarization and potential political violence.
Some Democrats and institutionalists support elevating civility to a social norm to preserve democratic institutions, promote constructive political discourse, and counter rising polarization. Proponents argue that civility fosters trust, enables compromise, and protects democratic processes from authoritarian threats by emphasizing shared common purpose over confrontational, hyper-partisan politics. [1, 2, 3, 4]
Key reasons for supporting civility as a social norm include:
Protecting Democratic Institutions: Supporters believe adherence to decorum and norms keeps government functional and resists democratic backsliding.
Encouraging Compromise: Civil discourse is seen as essential for managing deep societal disagreements and achieving bipartisan solutions.
Recognizing Mutual Dignity: Civility requires recognizing the dignity of opponents, which helps reduce hostility and fosters a more collaborative political environment.
Promoting Respectful Dialogue: It provides a framework for addressing conflicts, particularly in diverse environments, by encouraging active listening and reducing conflict-driven “drama”.
Some Democrats advocate for civility as a social norm primarily to protect the stability of democratic institutions and to rebuild public trust in a polarized political climate. By promoting respectful discourse, these supporters aim to move away from personal attacks and toward a governing culture that can effectively address societal issues through compromise and mutual understanding. [1, 2, 3, 4]
Core Reasons for Supporting Civility
Stability of Democracy: Proponents argue that democracy requires a baseline level of respect to function. Without civility, institutions suffer from increased hostility and a “declining faith in democracy”.
Enabling Compromise: Meaningful policy solutions often require reaching across the aisle. Supporters believe that treating opponents as “political equals” rather than enemies allows for the negotiation of “reasonable compromises”.
Restoring Public Trust: High levels of political vitriol can weaken trust in government. Modeling civility is seen as a way for leaders to signal ethics, honesty, and a commitment to “good governance”.
Social Harmony and Diversity: In a diverse society, civility is viewed as a “moral glue” that prevents different viewpoints from devolving into aggression. It encourages “bridging capital”—trust between strangers—which makes both democratic governance and economic exchange easier.
Voter Preference: Many Democratic voters value institutional norms and professional behavior. Polls indicate a strong majority of voters believe respect is the first step toward a working government.
Summary
There is broad support in the US for Civility as a social norm. Grass-roots efforts to improve understanding, application and encouragement of Civility have good prospects for success.
Stephen Covey’s 1989 book invented the personal development industry for modern employers and employees. It has sold more than 20 million copies and helped millions of people become “more effective”.
I’ll connect the “7 habits” to the very independently derived 7 values and 7 skills/behaviors of Civility.
Covey’s book is principle centered, focused on character development and the importance of managing perceptions.
Civility is “principle centered”, based on the 7 nonpartisan values of human dignity, respect, acceptance, responsibility, constructiveness, intentionality and public spiritedness.
Civility is based upon 7 skills/behaviors of self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship management, communications, growth and problem-solving that also acknowledge the importance of a lifetime of personal development. The 6th behavior outlines how the practice of Civility leads to personal growth.
Civility emphasizes the crucial role of identifying, understanding and shaping personal perspectives, insights and world views. The 4 values of respect, acceptance, responsibility and public spiritedness require the individual to work on refining their world views. Similarly, the self-awareness and social awareness behaviors emphasize the need to clearly define and sometimes challenge real views as part of social discourse or civil dialogue.
1. Be Proactive (Google AI)
Stephen Covey’s Habit 1: “Be Proactive” relates to civility by placing the responsibility for respectful behavior on the individual rather than on external circumstances or other people’s actions. Being proactive means choosing to respond with values—such as kindness and respect—rather than reacting based on feelings, which fosters a more civil, constructive, and collaborative environment.
Choice of Response vs. Reaction: Covey argues that between a stimulus (e.g., someone being rude) and the response, there is a space to choose. Proactive individuals use this space to choose a civil, value-based response, rather than blindly reacting with anger or sarcasm, which would diminish civility.
Owning One’s Behavior: Proactive people do not blame their behavior on others or their environment (“he makes me so mad”). Instead, they act with accountability, knowing that their own conduct is a result of their own decisions.
Focus on the Circle of Influence: Proactive people focus on what they can control—their own attitude, language, and behavior. They understand that while they cannot control another person’s rudeness, they can control their own polite response, which can often improve the situation.
Proactive Language: Proactive people use language that implies choice, such as “I can,” “I will,” or “I choose”. This language is inherently more empowering and respectful than the reactive language of blame (“He makes me…”, “I have to…”).
Acting with Intention: Proactive individuals create a climate of respect, rather than waiting for others to do so. They take the initiative to communicate clearly, apologize for mistakes, and behave with kindness, which acts as a proactive driver of civility in professional and personal relationships.
By taking ownership of their behavior, proactive individuals stop blaming “out there” for their issues, thereby reducing conflict and increasing respectful interaction.
TK Summary: Strong overlap with Civility values of responsibility and intentionality, overlap with respect and constructiveness. Strong overlap with Civility behavior self-management, overlap with communication, self-awareness and social awareness. Civility is not about politeness, surface level choices, weakness or moderation. It focuses on making great choices and deeply owning those choices.
2. Begin With the End in Mind (Google AI)
Stephen Covey‘s second habit, Begin with the End in Mind, relates to civility by framing daily interactions as steps toward a long-term legacy of character and relationship quality. Instead of reacting to immediate frustrations, this principle encourages individuals to act according to their core values and the “end” they want to achieve in their personal and professional lives.
In the context of civility, this habit manifests in several ways:
Relationship Preservation as the “End”: In conflict resolution, beginning with the end in mind means visualizing a successful outcome where the relationship is preserved or strengthened, rather than just “winning” an argument.
The Eulogy Exercise: Covey famously asks people to visualize their own funeral and consider what they want friends, family, and colleagues to say about their character. If you want to be remembered as kind, respectful, and fair, you must practice those civil behaviors in the present to make that “end” a reality.
Principle-Centered Living: By centering one’s life on unchanging principles like trust and honesty, an individual can maintain civil behavior even in the face of adversity, rather than being swayed by temporary emotions or external circumstances.
Intentional Communication: This habit encourages visualizing the desired atmosphere of a conversation or meeting before it begins. This mental “first creation” allows for more deliberate, empathetic, and respectful communication.
Living by Design, Not Default: Without a clear vision of who you want to be, you may fall into reactive, uncivil patterns dictated by pre-existing habits or others’ behaviors. Intentionally choosing your “end” goal empowers you to respond with civility by design.
TK Summary: The Civility values of respect and intentionality stand out, followed by human dignity and responsibility. The Civility behaviors of relationship management and self-management are essential here, also using self-awareness and problem-solving to create this habit.
3. Put First Things First (Google AI)
Stephen Covey’s “Put First Things First” habit relates to civility by prioritizing long-term relationship building, respect, and ethical behavior over reactive, urgent, but unimportant demands. It emphasizes investing time in people and principles, ensuring that how we treat others remains a top priority rather than an afterthought sacrificed for immediate, urgent tasks.
Key connections include:
Prioritizing Relationships: By focusing on Quadrant II (important but not urgent) activities, such as relationship building and proactive communication, people cultivate a respectful and supportive environment, rather than treating interactions as interruptions.
Proactive Self-Management: It requires managing oneself to live according to values, which prevents rushing, stress-induced rudeness, and, instead, fosters a calm, thoughtful approach to interactions.
Valuing People Over Tasks: It emphasizes that people and their well-being are paramount, ensuring that interacting with others is treated as a priority rather than a “low-priority” task compared to other work.
Preventing Ethical Crises: By acting on principles before they become urgent problems, individuals are more likely to behave with integrity and maintain professional civility.
TK Summary: Here, Covey focuses on the Civility values of human dignity and acceptance, supported by respect. He emphasizes the Civility behaviors of relationship management and self-management, supported by communications and personal growth.
4. Think Win-Win (Google AI)
Stephen Covey’s “Think Win-Win” habit (Habit 4) is directly related to civility by serving as a character-based code for interaction that requires mutual respect, emotional maturity, and the balance of courage and consideration. It builds a culture of trust and collaboration, replacing competitive “win-lose” mentalities with cooperative, respectful, and mutually beneficial relationships.
Key relationships between “Think Win-Win” and civility include:
Mutual Respect and Consideration: Win-win requires valuing other people’s needs as much as your own, which is the foundation of respectful communication.
Emotional Maturity: It requires the “courage” to express your own needs and the “consideration” to listen to others, forming the basis of mature, civil dialogue.
Abundance Mentality: It assumes there is enough for everyone, promoting a cooperative mindset over scarcity-driven competition, fostering generosity rather than selfishness.
Trust Building: By aiming for solutions where everyone feels satisfied, this habit builds long-term trust, which is the cornerstone of civil interaction.
Think Win-Win isn’t simply about being “nice”; it is a framework for ensuring that interactions are respectful, fair, and beneficial for all stakeholders.
TK Summary: The Civility value of true respect is first, augmented by acceptance, responsibility, intentionality and public-spiritedness. Self-management is the primary Civility behavior, accompanied by social awareness, relationship management, communications and problem-solving.
5. Seek First to Understand, Then Be Understood (Google AI)
Stephen Covey’s habit of “Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood” (Habit 5) is foundational to civility because it replaces judgmental listening with empathic listening, cultivating respect and validation in interactions. By prioritizing understanding over simply being right, it promotes patience, reduces conflict, and fosters deeper human connections.
Promotes Empathy & Respect: Instead of listening to respond or judge, this habit encourages listening with the intent to truly understand another person’s perspective and emotions.
Suspends Judgment: It fosters a mindset of pausing and suspending judgment, which is essential for treating others with dignity.
Builds Trust Through Validation: When others feel heard and understood, it gives them “psychological air,” encouraging a safe, collaborative environment rather than a combative one.
Combats Dehumanization: It forces one to see the person behind an argument or avatar, preventing the rush to judgment often found in poor, uncivil discourse.
Balance of Courage and Consideration: This habit teaches that true influence is built by combining kindness (seeking to understand) with courage (being understood), facilitating Win/Win outcomes.
TK Summary: Covey highlights the first 3 Civility values of human dignity, respect and acceptance. “Others” really, really matter. He then elevates the Civility behaviors of self-management and communications (active listening), complemented by social awareness and relationship management.
6. Synergize (Google AI)
Stephen Covey’s habit of Synergize (Habit 6) relates to Civility by fostering creative cooperation through valuing differences, empathetic listening, and seeking “third alternatives” (Win/Win) rather than conflict. It transforms respectful, polite communication into synergistic collaboration, treating diverse viewpoints as assets, not threats.
Key connections between synergy and civility include:
Valuing Differences: Synergy goes beyond mere tolerance (politeness) to truly valuing mental, emotional, and psychological differences, which is the foundation of a civil, inclusive society.
Empathetic Communication: Synergizing requires seeking first to understand others, creating a safe, respectful environment where individuals feel valued.
Moving Beyond Defensiveness: It replaces defensive, protective, or legalistic communication with open and honest dialogue.
Co-creation of Solutions: It actively seeks a “third way” that is better than either party’s original idea, promoting partnership rather than win-lose confrontations.
TK Summary: The Civility values of respect and acceptance are critical supports for synergy: a belief in interactive teamwork. The Civility behaviors of modern “best practices” communications and problem solving are required for synergy to deliver the goods.
7. Sharpen the Saw (Google AI)
Stephen Covey‘s 7th Habit, Sharpen the Saw, relates to civility by focusing on the social and emotional renewal required to interact with others respectfully and effectively. This habit emphasizes that a depleted or “dull” individual is more likely to be reactive, impatient, and ineffective in their relationships.
The relationship between “Sharpening the Saw” and civility manifests in several key ways:
Emotional Regulation and Reduced Reactivity
Preventing Burnout: Without regular renewal, emotions become “raw” and the spirit becomes insensitive.
Interpersonal Resilience: Leaders who prioritize physical and emotional self-care are less reactive and better prepared to handle interpersonal challenges with composure.
The “Private Victory”: Covey argues that personal renewal (the private victory) must precede successful public interactions (the public victory). Civility is difficult to maintain when one is operating from a state of exhaustion or stress.
Social and Emotional Renewal
Empathetic Connection: Sharpening the “social saw” involves cultivating empathy and emotional intelligence, which are foundational to civil behavior.
Building the “Emotional Bank Account”: This habit encourages making “deposits” into others’ emotional bank accounts through courtesy, kindness, and honesty.
Interdependent Habits: Habit 7 makes Habits 4, 5, and 6 (Think Win-Win, Seek First to Understand, and Synergize) possible. These habits represent the core of civil and cooperative social interaction.
Principled Character Development
Alignment with Values: Renewal in the spiritual dimension involves committing to a value system that often includes integrity, kindness, and human dignity.
Civic Responsibility: By focusing on self-improvement, individuals increase their capacity to contribute positively to their community and maintain a “minimal model of a civic citizen”.
TK Summary: Covey calls out the Civility value of human dignity as essential to living a great life, followed by the importance of respect for others. This habit matches up directly with the Civility behavior of personal growth and notes the importance of self-management and social awareness in living a sustainable good life in the modern world.
Summary
Many of us lived through the “malaise” of the 1970’s and 1980’s as the US tried to digest the cultural revolution of the 1960’s, the political disappointments of Vietnam and Watergate, and the global economic revolution of the 1970’s and 1980’s. The US was no longer invincible. It was threatened on all sides. Covey’s book was a clarion call to refocus on “character”. Yet, it was not about a soft, countercultural “greening of America” or a naive return to 1950’s cultural certainties. It was about the tools required for individuals to survive and thrive in a complex, global, secular world. It was not a politically partisan approach.
His “7 habits” have stood the test of time. The crosswalk with Civility is very dense. He is focused on the individual looking for habits of successful personal development. Civility is focused on the minimal values and behaviors required to maintain Civil discourse at all levels of an interdependent society.
He strongly agrees that human dignity, respect and acceptance are required for every individual. Responsibility and intentionality are very important. Constructiveness and public-spiritedness matter.
Self-management, relationship management and effective communication skills are essential. Moderate self-awareness and social awareness are needed for success. Personal growth and problem-solving skills are also required.
We collectively have an obligation to define, teach and build Civility skills/behaviors and values for the benefit of our fellow citizens and society. The overlap with Stephen Covey’s highly successful “7 habits” tells me we’re on the right path.
In recent times, eight older men lived in an Indiana community. Each was successfully retired and quite confident. Their neighbors loved the older men and encouraged their breakfast group meetings. Since the older men were no longer actively engaged at work, they had to imagine how things really operated. They listened carefully to stories about the active world of business, government, politics, health care, science, and leadership told to them by others.
The men were curious about many of the stories they heard, but they were most curious about Civility as a super solution to social challenges. They were told that Civility could fix politics, solve tough problems, promote personal growth, reinsert facts and logic into debate, revive trust, social relationships and institutions, and restore the balance between individuals and community.
They remembered Indiana as a very special place with great leaders. They recognized Birch and Evan Bayh, VP’s Quayle and Pence, representatives Lee Hamilton and Julia Carson, Indianapolis mayors Hudnut, Goldsmith, Petersen, Ballard and Hogsett, mayor and senator Lugar, but especially Governor Mitch Daniels. They knew that Daniels had been effective for Indiana, America and Purdue. Did Daniels believe in this Civility miracle solution?
The older men argued day and night about Civility. “Civility must be too simple,” claimed the first man. He had heard stories that it ignores real differences and big solutions.
“No, you must be wrong,” argued the second man. “Civility is complicated, combining values and habits in search of perfection. That is why people struggle to follow it.”
“You’re wrong! Civility seeks compromise, the middle ground and the golden mean. It combines the best that participants can offer,” said the third man.
“Please,” said the fourth man. “You are all mistaken. Civility grandly guarantees that it can solve all problems and conflicts! You know how people exaggerate.”
“How can you be so naïve,” exclaimed the fifth man. “Civility simply rationalizes weak, overly sensitive behaviors that avoid conflict and deny human nature.”
“Civility ignores passion and the emotions,” cried the sixth man. “It eliminates feelings, values, and intuitions by emphasizing cold rationality alone.”
“I am sure that Civility is a leftist plot,” said the seventh man. “That would explain why it emphasizes the importance and legitimacy of government.”
“On the contrary,” declared the eighth man. “Civility is a Republican scheme to return to the 1950’s with its mindless emphasis on a single culture, morality, character and values.”
Finally, the neighbors grew tired of all the arguments, and arranged for the curious men to visit the home office of Mr. Daniels to learn the truth about Civility.
When the men reached the home a half-hour ahead of schedule, they were greeted by an old friend who managed the governor’s visitors. Their friend led them to a waiting room where they watched a 10-minute video on Civility. The retired men quickly began to argue.
The first man stood up and exclaimed. “Civility is just common sense, nothing special.”
The second man misquoted the video. “Civility claims that all people can get along and all problems can be solved,” he announced.
The third man disagreed. “I was right,” he decided. “Civility is a tool of the powerful to maintain the status quo.”
The fourth man criticized Civility’s idealism. “What we have here,” he said, “is a sort of cult, invoking magical practices to reach utopian ends.”
The fifth man responded, “Civility is hopelessly weak because it asserts that strong emotions, interpersonal relations, sensitivity and hospitality can mend all fences.”
The sixth man stated, “Civility is very powerful. It allows groups and individuals to acquire and use power for their own ends, while dismissing the needs and desires of others.”
The seventh man considered the actors in the presentation. “Civility elevates individuals and personal growth above church and community, so it must favor Democrats,” he said.
The eighth man was shocked. “Why, Civility is nothing more than a way for the powerful to reassert social control through norms, taboos and shunning,” he scoffed.
The governor’s aide led his friends to the kitchen. “Sit here and rest,” he said. “I will bring you something to drink.”
While they waited, the eight men talked about Civility.
“Civility is just politeness, rules and etiquette. It is a surface level approach,” said the first man. “Surely we can finally agree on that.”
“Just politeness? Civility aims to transform men, institutions and society” answered the second man.
“Transformation? Civility focuses just on process, promotes elite values and prevents real arguments and solutions” insisted the third man.
“It’s impossible for everyone to develop such powerful skills that effectively bridge real human differences,” said the fourth man.
“Civility merely assumes that better skills, processes and values can manage differences, conflicts and human nature through the forces of goodwill,” noted the fifth man.
“Civility provides a socially approved way for individuals to emphasize form over substance. They can perform in a civil manner without really addressing the needs of others,” cautioned the sixth man.
“Socialist subjectivity and radical tolerance. There’s no doubt,” said the seventh man.
“Don’t you see?” pleaded the eighth man. “Civility is intended to keep us occupied and distracted by small issues and away from the larger issues of systematic injustice. Someone is using Civility to trick us.”
Their argument continued and their shouts grew louder and louder.
It was Purdue President emeritus Daniels, disturbed by the noisy argument.
“How can each of you be so certain you are right?” asked the former governor.
The eight men considered the question. And then, knowing the budget director to be a very wise man, they decided to say nothing at all.
“Civility combines values, skills and behaviors to solve problems and build relations,” said Mr. Daniels. “Each of you exaggerates the importance of only one part. Perhaps if you put the parts together, you will see the truth. Now, let me finish my morning in peace.”
When their friend returned with drinks, the eight men rested quietly, thinking about their leader’s advice.
“He is right,” said the first man. “To learn the truth, we must put all the parts together. Let’s discuss this on the journey home.”
The first man found his seat on the senior bus. The second man found his seat, and so on until all eight men were ready to travel together.
The decline in social Civility appears in our politics MAGNIFIED. The same factors are at work, but political actors have not just lost some Civility skills, many have rejected and opposed Civility. We’ll address the role of differences and commonality, polarization, limits of classical liberalism and current conditions.
Political, Religious and Philosophical Differences
We have evolved 6-9 “political” constructs. They are natural. Different people, personalities, political groups and cultures emphasize some more than others. There is a difference between traditional and modern/postmodern cultures. Conservatives and liberals see the world differently.
Are those who see the world differently from me Evil? Wrong? Unworthy? Shunned? Ignorant? Clueless? Selfish? Childish? Possessed? Confused? Stunted? Misguided? Immoral? Greedy? Irrational? Emotional? Small-minded? Provincial? Utopian? Idealistic? Shortsighted? Prejudiced? Reactive? Limited? Deluded? Suckers? Hubristic? Elitist?
Civility is based on values, but the practice of Civility is about behavior and habits that can be learned and improved. Inspiration connects the Civility values with the Civility behaviors. Civility is a social norm subject to the laws of virtuous and vicious cycles. The widespread re-adoption of Civility as a social norm faces many challenges.
We now understand how humans behave. We are imperfect and amazing. We have the ability to balance the individual and the other, the individual and the community, the individual and spirit/God.
Civility is based upon the human dignity of each individual. The modern “cognitive science” approach embraces this insight. It offers tools to make our lives more effective, meaningful and satisfying. Civil individuals should invest time to master these subjects.
Cultures exist because individuals need to be combined into communities. Without cultural norms, expectations, education, rewards, penalties and taboos there wouldn’t be any culture, community or civilization. This requires society – and its leaders and influencers – to clearly define select important aspirational values AND to define what is TABOO, poison, shunned, beyond the pale, unacceptable, and rejected by all.
Civility is a set of behaviors based upon a set of values. It is adopted and grown by individuals based upon their conscious and unconscious experiences. The practice of Civility tends to promote Civility in others. Unchecked incivility tends to destroy Civility.
Civility offers direct and indirect benefits to individuals. In the end, it is both a practical and a moral choice. We live in a “secular age” where the received religious views can be challenged by well-meaning people. My belief is that our “classical liberal” democracy requires the support of a Civility subset of values. I also believe that our secular society requires this same subset of values to facilitate the interactions and transactions of modern life. I believe that almost all individuals can justify Civility values, behaviors and skill development on a practical basis alone. I hope that the 15 benefits described below will help everyone to make the right choice.
The “heart” is the source of our best thoughts, feelings and actions, including acting Civilly in daily life which builds the skills, influence and expectations to require Civility in our political world.
Civility encompasses values and behaviors, a dynamic process and personal growth. It offers a process solution to our common differences and potential conflicts. It has many component parts that change through time for each person. The core components can be learned and applied by everyone. The basics are easy. Practicing and perfecting Civility values and skills is the good work of a lifetime, worthy of our human dignity.
Civility is supported by left and right in America’s political history. Modern techniques for most effective group interactions and negotiations are neutral. The values that support Civility are neutral. Civility takes no stand on modern political issues. The latest attempt to define the “righteous” bases for politics provides no dimension opposed to civility. Civility can be used as a bipartisan base for our democracy and our day-to-day interactions.
Civility is not politeness, utopian, weak, emotional, partisan, righteous or apologetic. It can be used by the most serious, radical individuals to refine their own skills, engage with others and attempt to find common ground and understanding. It seeks to find solutions and to build relations. It seeks to undermine polarization. It does not prevent leftists or rightists from highlighting systematic injustices or threats to individual rights and liberties in our economic, political and social worlds.
The populist wing of the Republican party sounds like the far-left wing of the Democratic party. Civility is a tool of the other guys, unfair, biased, inadequate, ineffective, unreliable, soft, emotional and too slow. The Civility approach doesn’t support the simple polarizing approach of modern politics. It emphasizes facts, logic, values clarification, optimal means, compromises, discovery, short and long run trade-offs, all of the tools of the modern negotiator’s kitbag. It accepts that profound differences may remain in our political, economic and social realms.
Civility is easy to caricature and dismiss. Simplistic “straw man” versions are easy to attack. It is a moderate and moderating approach, so some might call it conservative. It values interactions, feedback, process, learning and growth, so some might label it liberal.
Civility does require personal work and interactions. We have a much better understanding of the components of Civility today. It offers a scalable solution to our many problems. It can be developed one step at a time. It can be used in all arenas of life. It can be taught to everyone. We can re-establish Civility as a social norm. Like other social norms, there is a virtuous cycle/network effect that leverages our progress. Modern social science classes provide very effective tools and classes to build our skills. Civility has personal benefits, especially a sense of personal agency. It has benefits for the institutions of modern life that can invest and promote it. Civility is a personal choice that cannot be prevented by groups that oppose it. Civility is a “no brainer”. We have the opportunity to re-establish it for the benefit of all.
Individuals who believe in Civility as a solution to what ails us as a society should take the basic steps of learning more about the Civility movement and then joining with one of the many grass-roots groups to share the content of Civility, especially the 7 values and 7 behaviors, with others. This is classic membership and communications work. There are many personal and community benefits from practicing and promoting Civility.
Help others to understand the solid content of modern Civility and remove the misunderstandings that Civility is politeness, utopian, weak, emotional, partisan, righteous and apologetic. There is much work required to refine and promote the true Civility brand.
Apply your skills and insights in a single environment or community. Civility combines thinking, feeling and doing to create improved habits. Civility applies in family, social, political, educational and business environments. Your example can be contagious.
Recognize that Civility is a social norm. Social norms are reinforced by society. We have lost some of this social norm but can rebuild it by changing the insights, skills and behavior of a relatively small number of individuals, especially influential people, like my readers. Civility is not utopian. Its supporters don’t believe that we can change human nature. But we do see the viral, social networking, virtuous cycle nature of growing Civility as a practice and expectation throughout our society. We don’t need everyone to participate or each of us to be excellent in order to win; re-establishing a self-reinforcing set of norms. We just need to reach critical mass.
Research and share the amazing power that Civility has to address 6 of our social ills: radical individualism, weak aspects of human nature, skepticism, imperfect myths, our secular age and insecurity.
Don’t despair about politics. We have experienced polarized politics about important issues throughout history. The Civility movement aims to be nonpartisan, so it hesitates to offer specific structural “solutions” to our political challenges. It seeks to improve the Civility skills and values of all citizens, respecting the human dignity of every person, becoming more intentional and constructive and holding politicians accountable. We believe that this accountability for citizens and political leaders is the most important factor in reforming our political activities. It is directly actionable
Invite political actors and parties to adopt Civility as the core of their work. Many today don’t practice Civility. They blame “the other guy”. It will take time to make this happen, but we will re-establish this basic standard for representing our communities.
We define Civility as primarily a set of behaviors, a set of habits. Habits are not easy to create. They are not easy to maintain. They are not easy to improve. Civility calls for specific habits in self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship management, communications, growth and problem solving! Yes, it looks like a master’s degree in counseling, family therapy, psychology or organizational development! Effective communications, relations and problem solving are critical skills for modern life. They can be learned as children, youths, young adults and mature adults. They apply in all spheres of life.
Civility is modestly complex, integrating 7 values and 7 sets of behaviors. It integrates thinking, feeling and doing. It is an applied skill with theoretical supports. It requires practice and feedback to build and improve habits. It must be practiced in social settings, which may not be supportive. It requires an investment of time, attention, vulnerability, emotions and discipline. Civility, per se, is not required to perform basic life functions, so it can be ignored to some degree today. Like other moral systems, Civility is aspirational. There is no end to the possible improvements in our skills or the application of the values. Hence, it is sometimes frustrating. We prefer to have “achievement” type goals which can be completed just once.
Civility requires a big commitment. As noted in the first two articles, it provides great personal and community benefits. The 7 Civility values are supported by the major world religions, most cultures and professions. Civility insights and behaviors are applied throughout life. Not everyone will invest deeply in Civility. Those who choose to invest will be repaid multiple times.
As noted in the “Power of Civility” article, Civility provides a required community counterbalance to individualism. As Jonathan Haidt describes it, we’re 90% selfish chimps and 10% cooperative bees. Civility requires us to balance this dual nature. It embraces public-spiritedness as a core value, requiring us to look at the social dimensions of our thoughts, relations and decisions. This balance is not easy to decide or maintain. Different political, religious, philosophical and cultural systems take different positions.
Civility encourages us to become comfortable with considering, advocating and living these choices while respecting the different choices of others. In this sense, Civility is a “classical liberal” approach to managing our individual roles within society. We start with the individual and believe that our processes, norms and institutions will protect our individual rights as we resolve differences.
We are individualists who fear the infringement of our liberties and liberties by any powerful organizations. We don’t want a secular or religious culture that strongly limits our freedoms of thought, speech, religion, assembly, protection or property. Civility provides a set of tools that protects these rights while also considering the competing claims of communities at all levels.
We note that our individualistic society allows individuals to withdraw to their own choices and provision of goods and services with limited social interactions. We think that this allows individuals to ignore their responsibilities to the community. We live in an interdependent world. The “rugged individualist” cannot survive in the modern world. Civility asks each person to consider the community dimension of their behavior, speech and politics. Civility argues that individual rights and community responsibilities can coexist for everyone – with a wide variety of beliefs.
Civility does not guarantee success. It is a tool that can help the individual and the community.
Civility’s ability to bring out the best in human nature is described in the “Power of Civility” article.
Civility accepts that we can be selfish, exaggerate our own views, diminish the views of others and rationalize actions and non-actions to our own benefit.
We have a limited attention span. We struggle to truly multi-task. We let our subconscious do much of the work. We don’t challenge or articulate our political, religious, philosophical and cultural views. We have world views. We act relatively consistently. We defend/rationalize our views as needed. In general, we don’t use our slow and rational faculties. We tend to be self-righteous about our views.
We are morally imperfect. Even with practice, experience and social pressure, we still do what we know we shouldn’t do AND don’t do what we know we should. We reject feedback and social pressure even when it is in our own interest.
We hold different political and religious views. We have different interests, talents and personalities. Living together and reaching agreement is difficult, even with the best of intentions and Civility habits.
Civility accepts our shortcomings and offers a program to do the best we can with what we’ve got.
“The Power of Civility” article outlines how Civility can help us to improve security in a world that feels more insecure each day.
Humans crave security at the base level of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Security is based upon perceived threats and risks. In a complex, urban, technological, global, secular, meritocratic world we’re insecure more often. We react by trying to build security. We seek certainty through our beliefs and groups. We avoid risks. We avoid “others”. We prejudge. We feel like victims. We buy security.
Civility requires a degree of openness, trust and interaction that is difficult when we feel insecure.
Individuals are encouraged to practice and build Civility skills in safe environments before flexing them in more difficult places.
Experience applying Civility skills can help us to better understand the size, likelihood and impact of risks and to understand our power to manage those situations effectively. An experienced negotiator, communicator, leader, volunteer, seller, and consumer is well-positioned to thrive and minimize significant threats.
Civility is required because we live in society and we no longer live in a world where the religious, social, economic and political are merged into Christendom or even in a world where Christian moral values, imperfectly applied, prevail as social norms. We live in a “classical liberal” political system based upon individual rights and freedoms. It was created 250 years ago when a common Christian moral system prevailed. It is based upon the assumption that individuals have a core set of moral values in common.
Civility is based upon the core values of human dignity, respect, acceptance, responsibility, constructiveness, intentionality and public-spiritedness. These values are adequate to support all of the desired Civility behaviors. Some proponents of the “classical liberal” political system argue that it must not incorporate a subset of moral values because there is no way to evaluate these values without starting with a full-blown moral system. These groups have argued with the modern communitarians and been unable to find common ground. We advocate the 7 Civility values on a pragmatic basis. They are required to drive the Civility behaviors. We need the Civility behaviors to live together.
I don’t think many citizens will reject these values because they are somehow inconsistent with the theory of our political system.
The grass-roots efforts to restore Civility have accelerated in the last 2 decades. Politicians and journalists have leveraged modern media and social media to appeal to the lower angels of human nature in order to monetize attention. In a world without a dominant religion, political philosophy or culture, we have a clear need for help in addressing our major social and political system challenges.
Civility does require personal work and interactions. We have a much better understanding of the components of Civility today. It offers a scalable solution to our many problems. It can be developed one step at a time. It can be used in all arenas of life. It can be taught to everyone. We can re-establish Civility as a social norm. Like other social norms, there is a virtuous cycle/network effect that leverages our progress. Modern social science classes provide very effective tools and classes to build our skills. Civility has personal benefits, especially a sense of personal agency. It has benefits for the institutions of modern life that can invest and promote it. Civility is a personal choice that cannot be prevented by groups that oppose it. Civility is a “no brainer”. We have the opportunity to re-establish it for the benefit of all.
Google AI Summary of Republican Party Opposition to Civility
Based on the provided search results, opposition from some members or factions of the Republican Party toward certain “civility movements” often stems from the view that such movements are used to silence legitimate political opposition, stifle aggressive accountability, or protect a “woke agenda”.
The arguments and perspectives from the search results suggest several reasons for this opposition:
View of Civility as Political Suppression: Some conservatives argue that calls for “civility” are a tool used by the left to de-legitimize passionate, tough, and direct opposition to their policies.
“Us-Versus-Them” Mentality: There is a belief among some, reflected in remarks by leaders like Mike Pence, that political rivals are not just wrong, but actively advancing an immoral or dangerous agenda, making compromise or polite discourse feel counterproductive to them.
Belief in Confrontational Politics: Many, particularly in the populist wing of the party, believe in aggressive, combative tactics that grab attention and stir up the base, rather than polite, quiet debate.
Perception of Double Standards: Some conservatives feel that the mainstream media and cultural institutions enforce a double standard, demanding civility from the right while overlooking harsh rhetoric or actions from the left.
Focus on Radical Change: Some Republicans view the current political climate as existential, where they are fighting to protect traditional values against rapid, fundamental societal changes, making “polite disagreement” feel inadequate.
Distrust of Elite Narratives: There is a strong feeling that the “civility movement” is promoted by the same “educated elite” that they believe has rigged the system, and that this movement is a way to stop conservatives from challenging that system.
These factors suggest that opposition to the “civility movement” is often not an opposition to polite behavior itself, but a rejection of what they perceive as a strategic tool to weaken their political power and silence their opposition.
Civility promotes communications as the only means to recognize existing or potential common ground. Civility does not prefer moderate political positions or the “conventional wisdom” of a time or political party. Civility does not oppose radically different positions on political issues, only the expression of positions which demonize the opposite position or its supporters. Robust debate is an essential part of what was once quaintly called “civil discourse”. Republicans are mistakenly merging Civility with the alleged restriction of “free speech” by some universities, organizations and media outlets. Civility requires partisans to clearly express their values, interests and policies in order to identify potential shared interests and evaluate differences.
Civility is based upon the values of human dignity, respect and constructiveness. Participants are encouraged to set aside political differences and respect their common interests and humanity. The effective techniques of Civility separate the person from the policy. The Civility movement accepts and embraces differences as natural and unavoidable. https://tomkapostasy.com/2025/03/02/our-political-differences-are-not-going-away-and-thats-ok/
The Civility approach emphasizes rational conversation, interaction, evaluation and compromise. It does not discourage passionate expression of interests. It recognizes people as thinking, feeling and doing creatures. It argues that lasting resolution of policy disagreements requires better understanding and full participation of all interested parties. Short-term tactical victories are unlikely to be sustained without some “meeting of the minds”. This warning is especially relevant at the state and local level of politics and in daily life.
Civility is based upon the traditional values of human dignity, respect, acceptance, responsibility, constructiveness, intentionality and public-spiritedness. It is firmly grounded in the traditions of Western civilization and liberal democracy. Civility is not biased towards a far-left, postmodernist, secular society free of social norms and community. It recognizes the tension between the individual and the community, traditional and modern (WEIRD) and postmodern values but remains agnostic regarding the best solution other than the preservation of a communications and problem-solving framework. https://forum.effectivealtruism.org/posts/7heEBq7oZnMvbSbJa/weird-morality#:~:text=purview%20of%20morality.-,Moral%20Foundations%20Theory,sanctity/degradation
The populist wing of the Republican party sounds like the far-left wing of the Democratic party. Civility is a tool of the other guys, unfair, biased, inadequate, ineffective, unreliable, soft, emotional and too slow. The Civility approach doesn’t support the simple polarizing approach of modern politics. It emphasizes facts, logic, values clarification, optimal means, compromises, discovery, short and long run trade-offs, all of the tools of the modern negotiator’s kitbag. It accepts that profound differences may remain in our political, economic and social realms. It is fundamentally a “glass half-full” approach. Civility argues that its approach is much more effective in the long run in finding reasonable solutions, minimizing deep pain for those who disagree and maintaining relationships that promote future solutions.
Opposition to the “civility movement”—often defined as calls for politeness, bipartisanship, and adherence to traditional political norms—comes from a diverse range of political activists, scholars, and grassroots organizers. These groups often argue that demands for civility are used to silence marginalized voices, protect the status quo, or impede necessary, radical social change.
Groups and movements that have historically or currently opposed the politics of civility include:
Progressive and Racial Justice Activists: Activists often argue that “civility” is weaponized as a tool to control the tone of marginalized groups demanding equality. Critics argue that calls for polite discourse prioritize the comfort of the privileged over the urgency of justice for Black people and other people of color.
Radical Social Change Movements: Movements seeking fundamental overhauls of the social order—such as abolitionists (historically) and modern anti-racism advocates—often argue that civility is a barrier to progress.
Direct Action Groups (e.g., ACT-UP): Groups that engage in disruptive, non-violent direct action (like blocking traffic or occupying spaces) reject the idea that protest must be polite to be effective. They argue that confrontational tactics are necessary when facing systemic violence or oppression.
Anti-Colonial and Anti-Racist Theoreticians: Scholars like Alex Zamalin argue that there is a “hidden racism” in the obsession with civility, which has historically been used to suppress dissent.
Leftist Political Activists: Some on the far-left view calls for “bipartisanship” as a capitulation to extreme right-wing positions, arguing that when one side is engaged in extreme, discriminatory behavior, civil engagement is not appropriate.
Grassroots Organizers: Many grassroots movements prioritize immediate, material results (such as policy change or equality) over the “etiquette” of political engagement, arguing that systemic issues require challenging, rather than upholding, existing norms.
As the Braver Angels article outlines, Civility is not a noncommittal moderate neutrality. It does not prefer the “status quo”. It is not predisposed to centrist or moderate solutions. It does not promote being soft of weak. Many of the critics are simply creating a “strawman” of the term “Civility” in order to destroy it.
Critics call Civility a tool of the powerful. It can be a tool of the powerful. It can be a tool for anyone that uses its powerful values and proven techniques for better communications and problem solving.
These critics argue that Civility is biased to the right. I address this in a separate post.
4. Critics say that Civility is used as a distraction or diversion from important issues. It can be used that way, but it is designed to engage people and groups with different experiences, values and interests to engage in order to pursue their ends without demonizing each other. By establishing common interests, agreeing upon terms of engagement and committing to working with “others”, Civility provides a means to address even the most difficult issues. It does not guarantee a solution. It accepts that “no deal” or “walk away” are valid results.
5. Critics say that Civility leads to a “false equivalency” between different groups, people or views. It is claimed to implicitly support comments like Trump’s comments on immigrants “and some, I assume, are good people” and some white-nationalist protesters are “very good people”. Civility is based upon the properly defined values of human dignity, respect and constructiveness. Some people might incorrectly interpret these values as supporting complete tolerance for all positions and actions.
6. Critics argue that successful political movements have been active, disruptive, powerful and direct; not civil. The historical record is mixed. Civility is firmly situated within the last 250 years of Western civilization and liberal democracy. It believes that structures, processes, information and education are powerful tools to combine the interests of individuals while also protecting their rights and freedoms.
7. Critics claim that Civility inherently benefits the radical-right, fascist-right by delaying action through unlimited debate. Civility has no inherent bias towards fast or slow engagement and problem resolution. It focuses on the behaviors of self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship management, communications, growth and problem solving. Starting with the values of responsibility, intentionality and constructiveness it is inherently proactive rather than reactive.
8. Critics say that some people, groups and positions are “so offensive” that they are not entitled to a place at the table. They argue that the Civility movement validates these extremists. Proponents of Civility as a set of tools, habits and values to support constructive social, economic and political engagement do lean towards more tolerance, but the Civility values and behaviors take no stance on this controversial topic. Civility is not a replacement for religion, political or philosophical views. It is a reasoned approach to defining a process that can/should be broadly adopted by our individualistic society in order for it to function effectively. In order to be a neutral process, it does not address these larger questions.
The modern Civility movement was started in the 1990’s as polarized politics and lack of trust in people and institutions grew in the US. The Civility values and behaviors have been refined to clarify what Civility is and is not. Civility is not politeness, utopian, weak, emotional, partisan, righteous or apologetic. It can be used by the most serious, radical individuals to refine their own skills, engage with others and attempt to find common ground and understanding. It seeks to find solutions and to build relations. It seeks to undermine polarization. It does not prevent leftists or rightists from highlighting systematic injustices or threats to individual rights and liberties in our economic, political and social worlds. It seeks to radically improve the effectiveness of our politics and communications to make the world a better place, to make individuals more powerful and to hold each other accountable.
Good News 