Ex 1-3: Creating a Virtuous Cycle With Civility

This 15-minute workshop is designed for teams or classrooms to visualize how small, positive social actions can create a self-reinforcing “virtuous cycle.”

Goal: Understand how setting a positive social norm leads to desirable behavior, which then creates a positive environment that encourages more of that behavior.

Exercise: “The Positivity Loop” (15 Minutes)

Materials needed: Sticky notes, pens, a whiteboard/flipchart.  Setting the Scene: Draw a large circle on the whiteboard with four arrows pointing in a clockwise direction. Label them:

1. Action (What we do)
2. Perception (What others see/feel)
3. Reinforcement (Approval/Reward)
4. Habit (Adoption)

Step 1: Define the “Seed” Action (3 minutes)

• Prompt: “What is one small positive behavior we want to see more of in our team? (e.g., sharing knowledge, recognizing help, acknowledging mistakes, punctuality).”
• Activity: Have everyone write their idea on a sticky note.
• Selection: Select one, for example: “Publicly acknowledging a teammate for help.”
• Action Label: Place this sticky note in the “Action” box.

Step 2: Map the Cycle (5 minutes)

Discuss with the group how this one action creates a cycle:

1. Action: A acknowledges B for help.
2. Perception: Others see A helping B and feel a sense of psychological safety and kindness. They think, “This is a supportive place”.
3. Reinforcement: B feels valued, and others praise A, creating a “good reputation” signal.
4. Habit: Because the action felt good and was praised, others adopt the norm.
5. Return to Action: A, feeling good about their reputation, continues to help.

Step 3: Breaking the Cycle/Vicious Cycle (3 minutes)

• Question: “What happens if this norm breaks? If I help someone and get ignored, what do I do next time?”
• Discussion: The group should realize that if reinforcement stops, the action stops. This highlights that a virtuous cycle requires consistent reinforcement.

Step 4: Commitment & “One-Degree” Shift (4 minutes)

• Action: Ask each person to write on a new sticky note ONE micro-action they will do in the next 24 hours to reinforce this new norm.
• Example: “I will send one ‘thank you’ email to a peer for their help this week.”
• Closing: Have them stick it on the “Action” step on the board to reinforce their personal role in the cycle.

Key Takeaways for Participants

• Small Actions Scale: A 15-minute investment in acknowledging others can break a negative culture (vicious cycle) and build a supportive one (virtuous cycle).
• Social Approval is Key: Positive social norms rely on reinforcement (mimicry, desire for approval) to stick.
• You Are the Norm: The cycle doesn’t start on its own; it begins with individuals deciding to act. (Responsibility is a key Civility value).

Context:

Civility is a set of skills/behaviors based upon a set of values.  It solves problems and builds relationships.  Civility is maintained as a social norm through the everyday actions of people.  Social norms set expectations and provide feedback when expectations are not met.  Civility can be a virtuous cycle or a vicious cycle.  The key insight is that positive behaviors trigger more positive behaviors and negative behaviors trigger negative behaviors.  Social systems and expectations tend to stay where they are.  They are sticky.  A significant volume of behaviors and experiences can cause social norms to change for good or for bad.  A significant volume of positive, Civil actions can lead to a virtuous cycle which crosses the “tipping point” from negative or neutral to positive expectations.  A concerted effort to define, study, encourage and apply Civility values and skills can trigger a virtuous cycle.

Restoring Civility: Overcoming Obstacles

Civility as a Dynamic System

Civility is a set of behaviors that recognize differences and build mutual respect.

Civil people:

1. Self-regulate.  Practice self-awareness, self-control, self-improvement, accountability, and deliberate and prudent decision-making.
2. Demonstrate empathy.  Honor human worth, differences, feelings, ideas and actions.  Are kind, considerate and affirming.  Engage constructively.
3. Communicate effectively.  Create an environment of shared interests, honesty, empathy, safety and positive expectations.  Encourage and facilitate dialogue to avoid silence or conflict.  Actively listen for content, feelings, stories and understanding.  Mirror and acknowledge others.  Distinguish between facts, arguments, opinions and feelings.  Share tentatively and encourage feedback.  Persuade and patiently develop shared solutions.
4. Build relationships. Participate, contribute, collaborate, compromise, connect, share experiences, trust; are positive and reliable; respect people, boundaries, rights and norms.
5. Leverage processes.  Employ rules, tools, techniques, science and systems; embrace roles and norms, and expect results, growth and synergy.

Civility Delivers A Virtuous Cycle:

1. Better Civility skills and expectations for all.
2. Improved relationships, thicker bonds.
3. Stable processes.
4. Insights, options and solutions.  

Incivility Delivers a Vicious Cycle:

1. Skills, relationships, processes and solutions decay.
2. Belief in people, society, politics, institutions, progress, science and leaders decline.
3. Negativity grows: skepticism, mistrust, dishonesty, disrespect, dehumanization and despair.
4. Individuals lose confidence in the system.  They feel victimized and become angry.  They look for simple political, religious and social solutions.  Polarization increases.  Their frustrations and responses escalate to justify aggression and violence.
5. Confidence in society declines.  Moral values are undermined.  Power alone rules.
6. Economic, political, social, and personal decline reinforce and escalate.

The relationship between action, perception, reinforcement, and habit forms a core loop in behavioral neuroscience and psychology, where perception of environmental cues triggers automatic actions (habits) that are strengthened by reinforcement. Habits are, fundamentally, context-dependent behaviors that become automatic through repetition and reward. Google AI – April 5, 2026.

1. Action and Perception Interaction

• Action-Perception Loop: Behavior is a continuous interaction between perception and action. Perception informs the motor system about the environment, while actions (such as eye or hand movements) change the input perception.
• Attentional Habits: Recent research suggests “attentional habits” exist, where perception is prioritized for stimuli previously associated with high rewards, even if those rewards are no longer present.
• Context as Trigger: Habitual behavior is triggered by the perception of familiar cues (the “context”).

2. Reinforcement Learning (RL) and Habit Formation

• Model-Based vs. Model-Free: Goal-directed actions are considered “model-based” (acting on expectations). Habits are “model-free” (acting on past reward history, or “cached values”).
• Role of Reinforcement: Habits are strengthened when a behavior is consistently rewarded in a specific context.
• Habit Loop: The process is often broken down into three steps: Cue (perception), Routine (action), and Reward (reinforcement).
• Resistance to Devaluation: A key feature of habits is that they persist even when the outcome is no longer desirable or valued (reward devaluation).

3. The Mechanism of Habit

• Basal Ganglia: The striatum, within the basal ganglia, is the brain region that acts as a “learning machine” coordinating action, motivation, and perception of rewards.
• Automaticity: As actions become repetitive and rewarded, they are offloaded from goal-directed systems (prefrontal cortex) to sensorimotor systems, becoming faster and more automatic.
• Speed Over Accuracy: Habits are often faster but less flexible than goal-directed behaviors, making them prone to “action slips” (e.g., stopping at a coffee shop on a day off).

4. Breaking and Forming Habits

• Stability and Repetition: Habits form best in stable contexts with repeated actions.
• Weakening Habits: Breaking habits requires breaking the link between the context and the behavior (e.g., avoiding the trigger) or overriding the habitual response with conscious, goal-directed control.
• Meta-Awareness: Becoming aware of the habit loop (cue-behavior-reward) can introduce prediction errors that help break the cycle.

5. Cognitive Perspective

• Habits of Thought: Habits are not only behavioral but can also be mental, such as routines of thinking, which can be formed and broken through the same reinforcement mechanisms.

Ex Misperceptions of Civility

This 15-minute Civility Self-Reflection exercise is designed to help you and your peers identify hidden misperceptions of what it means to be “Civil” in difficult conversations. It moves beyond simple politeness to explore the actual impact of your behavior on others.

The 15-Minute Misperceptions Exercise

Step 1: Rapid Self-Assessment (5 Minutes)
Rate yourself on a scale of 1 (Never) to 5 (Always) for the following actions when a discussion becomes controversial or heated:

• The Silence Trap: I remain silent when peers disagree. (Reflection: Is this civility, or avoiding accountability?)
• The “Waiting to Speak” Bias: When I disagree, I put aside what I plan to say next to truly listen.
• Non-Verbal Impact: I maintain eye contact and give full attention even when I strongly disagree.
• False Praise: I use phrases like “With all due respect, but…” before a criticism. (Note: This is often perceived as disingenuous or uncivil)

Step 2: Role Identification (5 Minutes)
Ask yourself—or a trusted peer—which role (or roles) you typically play in heated conversations. Often, we perceive our role as “Civil” while others see it differently:

• The Informer: Provides facts (may be seen as a “know-it-all”).
• The Inquirer: Asks questions (may be seen as interrogating).
• The Inflamer: Uses aggressive or sarcastic language
• The Comedian: Uses humor (may be seen as demeaning the topic’s importance).
• The Tyrant: Focuses everything on proving they are right.
• The Avoider: Refuses to engage, deflects or departs.
• The Victim: Blames others, the system or fate, never themselves.
• The Saboteur: Pretends to support views but undermines them later secretly.
• The Accomplice:  Supports some participants without understanding the situation.

Step 3: Perspective Shift & Discussion (5 Minutes)
Reflect on a recent disagreement and answer these three questions to uncover misperceptions:

1. Intent vs. Impact: “I thought I was being Civil by [Action], but could it have been perceived as [Misperception]?” (e.g., “I thought I was being polite by staying silent, but it may have been seen as a lack of support.”)
2. The Common Ground Test: Did I look for one point where the other person was right, or was I purely focused on being “right”?
3. The Assumption Check: Why did I assign a certain motive to the other person’s behavior?

Common Misperceptions of Civility

• Politeness is Civility: Real civility involves listening past your own preconceptions and respecting others’ rights to express views, not just using “please” and “thank you”.
• Silence is Neutral: Remaining silent can be a “good thing” to de-escalate, but it can also be perceived as a failure to create a welcoming environment for differing opinions.
• “I-Statements” are Automatic Passes: Using “I feel” doesn’t excuse aggressive non-verbal behaviors like eye-rolling or loud sighs, which are clear signs of incivility.
• Too simple: just common sense, the golden rule, etiquette.
• Too complex: a full, somewhat odd, philosophy of life to guide all thoughts and behaviors.
• Too moderate: aims for compromise and appearance of agreement.
• Too extreme: argues that all people can combine any beliefs and interests through discussion and creative problem solving.
• Too soft: emphasizes feelings, heart, relationships, possibilities rather than a more balanced reality.
• Too hard: reduces interactions into a set of behavioral science tools and techniques, ignoring real human nature.
• Too liberal: prioritizes liberal views on human dignity, community and possibilities thinking.
• Too conservative: focuses individuals on the process, techniques, interactions and small results thereby favoring the status quo and existing powerful interests.

A second exercise provides background information to help us identify misperceptions A 15-minute exercise to identify misperceptions of civility involves a structured self-reflection followed by small-group discussion, focusing on separating personal etiquette standards from fundamental respectful behavior.

Goal: To move from a subjective definition of “politeness” to an objective understanding of “respectful engagement.”

• Minutes 0-5: Silent Individual Reflection (The “Mirror” Phase) Participants work alone, reflecting on their own communication habits and preferences.
  • Question 1: When I disagree with someone, do I tend to use silence, debate, or change the subject?
  • Question 2: What is one “politeness rule” I was raised with that I get frustrated when others break (e.g., interrupting, eye contact, tone of voice)?
  • Question 3: Have I ever been told I was being blunt, when I thought I was being direct?
  • Question 4: List one instance recently where I thought someone was “uncivil,” but they might have just been passionate or from a different culture.
• Minutes 5-12: Small Group “Bias Mapping” Break into groups of 3-4. Each person shares one insight from their reflection, specifically focusing on Question 4 (situations where interpretation differed).
  • Goal: Identify patterns. Does the group agree on what is “uncivil,” or are their definitions mostly based on personal preference?
  • Focus Area: Discuss the difference between a “rude” action (e.g., shouting) and a “misinterpreted” action (e.g., using direct language, not taking turns in a way that feels comfortable to you).
• Minutes 12-15: Group Debrief (The “Shift” Phase) Reconvene the large group. Ask:
  • What is one thing you learned that you thought was rude, but might just be a different communication style?
  • How can we move from a “politeness” standard (personal) to a “respect” standard (common ground)?

Key Misperceptions to Identify

• Silence equals agreement: Assuming quiet people agree, rather than just being quiet.
• Directness equals rudeness: Confusing efficiency/directness with lack of respect.
• Intensity equals aggression: Misinterpreting high-energy disagreements as personal attacks.
• “Like Me” Bias: Assuming that the way I show respect (e.g., quiet listening) is the only way to show respect.

Context:

Civility is NOT merely simple or complex, moderate or extreme, soft or hard, liberal or conservative.  Civility aims to be a truly neutral tool for helping all of us, with our widely differing views, function effectively together, despite these differences.  A deep understanding of Civility is required to be more effective.  The exercise is intended to help us see that we all slip into less than perfect behavior when interacting with others, especially once we are emotional or the stakes are high.

The 8 Older Men and Civility

Civility Resources (5): Action

Civility is for Everyone!

Civility is Nonpartisan

Opposition to Civility is Unconvincing

Opposition to Civility is Unconvincing (2)

Civility is Not Simple or Easy

Common Roles During “Heated” Conversations

In heated conversations where civility breaks down, individuals often fall into predictable, destructive roles that escalate conflict rather than resolve it. These behaviors are generally categorized by intense emotions, a “win-lose” mindset, and a lack of self-reflection. Google AI – April 5, 2026.  Here are the primary roles and behaviors individuals play in high-conflict conversations:

1. The Tyrant / Aggressor

This person puts on “boxing gloves” and focuses solely on proving they are right, which by definition makes the other person wrong.

• Behaviors: Interrupting, criticizing, belittling, or condescending to the other person.
• Tactics: Using “you” statements to blame, digging up past grievances (the “lawyer” approach), and using loud volume or aggressive body language.
• Goal: To dominate, control, and ensure their preferred outcome is the only one considered.

2. The Avoider / Submariner – The Avoider is conflict-averse and fears confrontation, often shutting down or fleeing the situation.

• Behaviors: Physically leaving the room, hanging up the phone, or mentally checking out of the conversation.
• Tactics: Using short, dismissive responses like “Whatever,” or “Fine, do what you want” to abruptly end the interaction.
• Goal: To make discomfort stop as quickly as possible, often by acting like everything is fine. 

3. The Victim / Blamer – This person believes they are never at fault, externalizing all problems and viewing themselves as the target of others’ aggression.

• Behaviors: Turning any criticism around to focus on the other person’s flaws, even minor ones.
• Tactics: Using all-or-nothing thinking (“You never do X,” “You always do Y”) and refusing to accept responsibility, often resulting in “crazymaking” behavior that makes the other person feel insane.
• Goal: To protect their ego and secure sympathy or dominance by making the other party the villain.

4. The Passive-Aggressive “Saboteur” – This individual avoids direct confrontation (like the Avoider) but desires control and revenge (like the Aggressor).

• Behaviors: Appearing to agree in the moment, only to undermine the agreement later.
• Tactics: Using sarcasm, backhanded compliments, spreading rumors, or making mistakes intentionally to cause frustration.
• Goal: To express resentment indirectly while maintaining plausible deniability.

5. The Accomplice or “Negative Advocate” (Third Party) – This is an individual, often a friend or family member, who is “hooked” into the drama by a high-conflict person to help them fight, despite not having all the facts.

• Behaviors: Spreading the conflict, validating the main aggressor’s distorted reality, and attacking the original target of blame.
• Goal: To defend their friend or family member, often becoming a tool for the high-conflict person.

Core Traits of Non-Civil Communicators

These roles are typically driven by four main behaviors, sometimes called the “Four Horsemen” in relationship literature:

• Contempt: Mockery, sarcasm, eye-rolling, and name-calling.
• Criticism: Attacking the person’s character rather than a specific behavior.
• Defensiveness: Making excuses and refusing to take responsibility.
• Stonewalling: Shutting down communication and disengaging entirely.

Civility is:

1. A set of behaviors that recognize differences and build mutual respect.
2. A tool to deliver productive results through Civil discourse.
3. Comprised of self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship management, communications, growth and problem-solving skills and behaviors.
4. A habit.
5. A choice (intentional).
6. Based on the universal values of human dignity, respect, acceptance, responsibility, constructiveness, intentionality and public-spiritedness.
7. A moral system but not a replacement for religious, philosophical or political systems.
8. Viral; a virtuous/vicious cycle.
9. Nonpartisan.
10. Ecumenical.
11. Teachable.
12. A blend of thinking, feeling and doing.
13. A social norm.
14. Consistent with human nature.
15. Actionable.
16. An aspirational ideal, never fully achieved.
17. A builder of trust, community, common good and institutions.
18. A self-maintaining social system.
19. Supported by world religions and secular humanism.
20. Informed by modern social science.
21. Practiced in personal, work, play, church, sports, media, union, culture, service, government and political environments.
22. Required for democracy.
23. Inspired by self-interest, situations, personality, identity, civic duty, patriotic duty, cultural duty, religious duty and philosophical duty.
24. NOT too simple, complex, moderate, extreme, soft, hard, liberal or conservative.
25. A solution to our challenges of political polarization, selfish media, radical individualism, limits of human nature, skepticism, our secular age, imperfect myths and insecurity.

Colossians 4:6

Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer everyone.

Heavenly Father, we thank you for bringing us together to learn to build bridges through our words. Based on Your word, we ask that you empower us to let our conversation be always full of grace and seasoned with salt. Help us to listen with compassion, speak with kindness, and respond with wisdom so that our words bring flavor, healing, and understanding to every person we meet, ultimately reflecting Your love. Amen.

Proverbs 15:1

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Heavenly Father, we gather today to learn the art of gracious communication. We pray for the wisdom to offer a gentle answer that turns away wrath, and the self-control to avoid harsh words that stir up anger. Teach us to build bridges with our speech, fostering understanding, empathy, and peace in every conversation. Amen.

Romans 12:18

If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

Heavenly Father, we thank You for the wisdom of Your Word that calls us to live in peace. As we engage in this workshop, we ask for Your guidance. Help us to be “makers and maintainers of peace” in all we do. 

We trust You to fill us with Your peace, so we may share it with others. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Matthew 5:9

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

Heavenly Father, thank you for the call to be peacemakers. As we gather, guide our words and actions, helping us to bridge divides with grace and compassion rather than conflict. We pray for the wisdom to build bridges, the humility to listen, and the strength to reflect your love in our discussions, that we may truly be called Your children. Amen.

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Therefore, encourage one another and build up each other, as indeed you are doing.

Heavenly Father, thank You for bringing us together. As Your Word urges us to encourage and build one another up, we ask for a spirit of kindness and wisdom today. Guide our words, that they may create a safe space for respectful listening and understanding. Help us to act as bridges rather than walls, lifting each other up and modeling unity. Amen.

Proverbs 27:17

Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens the wits of another.

Heavenly Father,

We gather today mindful of Your word that as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. We thank You for the gift of community and for the opportunity to grow through our interactions with one another.

Lord, we ask for wisdom and grace as we engage in this workshop. Help us to be “sharp” in our thinking, yet gentle and kind in our speech. Grant us the humility to listen to perspectives different from our own, and the courage to engage in honest, constructive dialogue, even when it is uncomfortable.

Shape us into people who build up rather than tear down. Let our conversations be marked by respect, empathy, and truth, that we may leave this place sharper, wiser, and more united in love.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Proverbs 18:2

A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing personal opinion.

“Heavenly Father, we gather today acknowledging that too often we prefer to air our own opinions rather than understand one another. Lord, forgive us for the times our words have caused division instead of building bridges.

We ask that You turn our hearts away from folly and toward wisdom. Grant us the grace to delight in understanding our neighbors. Soften our hearts to listen before we speak, and fill this workshop with a spirit of humility, compassion, and respect.  May our conversations be marked by civility, and may our words bring healing rather than hurt.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Ephesians 4:29

Let no evil talk come out of your mouths but only what is good for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.

Heavenly Father, we ask that no unwholesome talk proceeds from our mouths during this workshop. Instead, empower us to speak only what is good for building up others, according to their needs, that our words may offer grace to those who hear. May our communication foster peace, unity, and healing. Amen.

Psalm 133:1

How very good and pleasant it is when kindred live together in unity!

Heavenly Father, we thank you for the gift of community. As we gather, we recall your Word. Teach us to lay down our pride, listen with empathy, and communicate with grace. Transform our disagreements into conversations of mutual respect, that our interactions may reflect your love and healing. Amen. 

1 Corinthians 12:13

For in the one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and we were all made to drink of one Spirit.

Heavenly Father, thank You that by one Spirit we are all baptized into one body. As we gather for this workshop, help us to embrace our diversity while honoring our unity. Remove our pride, foster respect in our disagreements, and help us to speak with grace, acting as one body in Christ. Amen.

Hebrews 10:25

Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Heavenly Father, thank You for the gift of community. We pray that this workshop encourages us to spur one another toward love and good works, rather than division. Guide our words to build bridges of understanding, fostering respectful dialogue and unity in our fellowship, as we encourage one another more and more. Amen.

James 5:12

But let your “Yes” be yes and your “No” be no, so that you may not fall under condemnation.

Heavenly Father, we ask for Your presence as we begin this workshop on civility. James reminds us to let our words be guided by truth and integrity, rather than harshness or excess.

Help us to curb our tongues and choose speech that builds up rather than tears down. May our “Yes” be a genuine commitment to understanding, and our “No” be a firm refusal to indulge in hostility.

Grant us the grace to listen with respect, speak with kindness, and live in such a way that our integrity shines through our words, avoiding the judgment that comes from divisive speech.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Ecclesiastes 5:5

It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not fulfill it.

Lord, help us to be intentional with our words today, knowing that what we vow or speak with our lips should be honored by our actions. Protect us from hasty, empty words that break trust. Grant us the wisdom to speak with integrity, ensuring our discourse reflects respect and truth. Amen.

Galatians 6:7

Do not be deceived; God is not mocked, for you reap whatever you sow.

Heavenly Father, thank you for the principle that “what we sow, we reap”. As we enter this workshop, help us to sow seeds of kindness, respect, and patience in our conversations, so we may reap a harvest of understanding, unity, and peace. Guide our hearts and words to reflect your love and bring honor to you. Amen. 

James 1:19

You must understand this, my beloved brothers and sisters: let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger.

Heavenly Father, we pray for the grace of humility to unite us. As we navigate differences in this workshop, help us to boast not in earthly status or perspectives, but in our shared identity in You. Quiet our hearts to listen, curb our tongues from pride, and make us laborers for peace. Amen.

Romans 14:19

Let us then pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.

Heavenly Father, we thank You for the call to live in harmony. We ask that You help us to actively pursue peace and focus on what builds others up, rather than what tears them down.

Lord, remove our desire to win arguments, and replace it with a desire to understand our neighbors. Give us the grace to speak encouraging words and the humility to listen. May this workshop be a place where civility flourishes, allowing us to represent Your love through kindness and respect. 

Empower us to move beyond our differences to achieve unity. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Luke 16:10

Whoever is faithful in a very little is faithful also in much, and whoever is dishonest in a very little is dishonest also in much.

Lord, thank you for this wisdom, reminding us that faithfulness in small matters leads to faithfulness in much. As we engage in this workshop, help us to be stewards of civility in the small things—our words, listening, and tone. May our minor acts of kindness build a foundation of trust and respect in our community. Amen.

Genesis 1:26

Then God said, “Let us make humans in our image, according to our likeness …

Creator God, you fashioned us in your own image and likeness. As we gather, help to see that same divine image in every person, especially those with whom we disagree. Teach us to listen with compassion, speak with grace, and act with humility. May our words today reflect your image and build bridges of understanding. Amen.

Mark 3:24-25

If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand.  And if a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.

Gracious God,
You warn us that a house divided against itself cannot stand.  We confess that we often allow bitterness, pride, and sharp words to divide our communities and our hearts.  As we begin this workshop, we ask for a spirit of understanding and humility.  Help us to listen to one another, to bridge divides, and to choose words that build up rather than tear down.
Turn our hearts toward love, that we may stand together as a united community, honoring You in our conversations.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.

James 3:1, 10

Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers and sisters, for you know that we who teach will face stricter judgment.  From the same mouth comes a blessing and a curse. My brothers and sisters, this ought not to be so.

Heavenly Father, we acknowledge the high calling to speak with wisdom, remembering that our words are subject to strict judgment. Forgive us when we allow blessing and cursing to emerge from the same mouth. Guide us to tame our tongues, using our words to heal, bless, and build up rather than tear down. Amen.

1 Peter 3:8-9

Finally, all of you, have unity of spirit, sympathy, love for one another, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or abuse for abuse, but, on the contrary, repay with a blessing. It is for this that you were called—that you might inherit a blessing.

Heavenly Father, we pray for unity, sympathy, and a humble heart during this workshop. Teach us to love one another and respond to insults with blessings, not retaliation. Help us replace frustration with kindness, so we may grow together and inherit Your blessing.

Ex 0-3: Civility References

Start With These 10 Articles

Blog • Everyday Acts of Civility: Small Changes That Make a

PowerPoint Presentation

Civility “in a Box” (Summarized) – Good News

Covey’s “7 Habits” and Civility – Good News

Civility is Really About 7 Behaviors – Good News

Christianity Supports the 7 Civility Values – Good News

Civility is Not Simple or Easy – Good News

Civility Resources (5): Action – Good News

Inspiring Civility – Good News

The Power of Civility – Good News

Top 5 books about Civility:

Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, Third Edition: Grenny: 9781260474183: Amazon.com: Books

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: 30th Anniversary Edition (The Covey Habits Series): Covey, Stephen R., Collins, Jim, Covey, Sean: 9781982137274: Amazon.com: Books

Healing the Heart of Democracy: The Courage To Create a Politics Worthy Of The Human Spirit: Palmer, Parker J.: 9781394234868: Amazon.com: Books

Choosing Civility: Forni, P. M.: 9780312302504: Amazon.com: Books

The Soul of Civility: Timeless Principles to Heal Society and Ourselves: Hudson, Alexandra: 9781250277787: Amazon.com: Books

Resources

Civility Resources (0): Navigating Civility – Good News

Civility Resources (1): Context of Good News – Good News

Civility Resources (2): Causes of the Decline in Civility – Good News

Civility Resources (3): Politics – Good News

Civility Resources (4): Values – Good News

Civility Resources (5): Action – Good News

Civility Resources (6): Solutions – Good News

Project Civility

Civility: Cognitive Science to the Rescue – Good News

Braver Angels

Home – Bridge Alliance Education Fund

National Institute For Civil Discourse – Engaging Differences Constructively

Home – The Civility Project

Ronald Reagan Center on Civility and Democracy | The Ronald Reagan Presidential Foundation & Institute

Applied Research Center for Civility

National Civility Network – NICD Research Network

Civility is our eternal project | George W. Bush Presidential Center

4Cs_revised mark_flyer_24MAY2023.jpg

BridgeUSA – Youth movement to fight political division.

Change

Amazon.com: Managing Transitions (25th anniversary edition): Making the Most of Change: 9780738219653: Bridges, William, Bridges, Susan: Books

Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard: Heath, Chip, Heath, Dan: 9780385528757: Amazon.com: Books

The Anatomy of Peace, Fifth Edition: Resolving the Heart of Conflict: The Arbinger Institute: 9798890571571: Amazon.com: Books

The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fable, 20th Anniversary Edition: Lencioni, Patrick M.: 9780787960759: Amazon.com: Books

Civility

Amazon.com: Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct: 9780312281182: Forni, P. M.: Books

Amazon.com: Saving Civility: 52 Ways to Tame Rude, Crude & Attitude for a Polite Planet: 9781594733147: Hacala, Sara: Books

Love Your Enemies: How Decent People Can Save America from the Culture of Contempt: Brooks, Arthur C.: 9780062883759: Amazon.com: Books

Restoring Civility: Lessons from the Master: Your Path to Rediscover Respect: Hunter, Kent R., Swank, Tracee J.: 9781700095251: Amazon.com: Books

The Case for Civility: And Why Our Future Depends on It: Guinness, Os: 9780061353437: Amazon.com: Books

The Soul of Civility: Timeless Principles to Heal Society and Ourselves: Hudson, Alexandra: 9781250277787: Amazon.com: Books

Communications

Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, Third Edition: Grenny: 9781260474183: Amazon.com: Books

I Beg to Differ: Navigating Difficult Conversations with Truth and Love: Muehlhoff, Tim, Elshof, Gregg Ten, Elshof, Gregg Ten, Muehlhoff, Tim: 9780830844166: Amazon.com: Books

I Never Thought of It That Way: How to Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times: Guzmán, Mónica: 9781637740323: Amazon.com: Books

I Think You’re Wrong (But I’m Listening): A Guide to Grace-Filled Political Conversations: Holland, Sarah Stewart, Silvers, Beth A.: 9781400208449: Amazon.com: Books

Look: A Practical Guide for Improving Your Observational Skills: Gilmore, James H: 9781966629429: Amazon.com: Books

Community

Our Kids: The American Dream in Crisis: Putnam, Robert D.: 9781476769905: Amazon.com: Books

Morality

Morality: Restoring the Common Good in Divided Times: Sacks, Jonathan: 9781541675339: Amazon.com: Books

The Road to Character: Brooks, David: 9780812983418: Amazon.com: Books

The Soul of America: The Battle for Our Better Angels: Meacham, Jon: 9780399589829: Amazon.com: Books

Politics

Healing the Heart of Democracy: The Courage To Create a Politics Worthy Of The Human Spirit: Palmer, Parker J.: 9781394234868: Amazon.com: Books

Janesville: An American Story (A Business Award-Winner): Goldstein, Amy: 9781501102264: Amazon.com: Books

Liberalism and Its Discontents: Fukuyama, Francis: 9781250867223: Amazon.com: Books

Seeing the Unseen: Beyond Prejudices, Paradigms, and Party Lines: Beckwith, Mark M., Claiborne, Shane: 9781640655188: Amazon.com: Books

The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Politics and Religion: Haidt, Jonathan: 0884678038868: Amazon.com: Books

Why We’re Polarized: Klein, Ezra: 9781476700366: Amazon.com: Books

Psychology

Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ: Goleman, Daniel: 9780553383713: Amazon.com: Books

The Art of Empathy: A Complete Guide to Life’s Most Essential Skill: Mclaren, Karla: 9781622030613: Amazon.com: Books

The Mind’s New Science: A History of the Cognitive Revolution: Gardner, Howard: 9780465046355: Amazon.com: Books

Religion

Ethics: Bonhoeffer, Dietrich: 9780684815015: Amazon.com: Books

Following Jesus in a Culture of Fear (The Christian Practice of Everyday Life): Bader-Saye, Scott: 9781587431920: Amazon.com: Books

How (Not) to Be Secular: Reading Charles Taylor: Smith, James K. A.: 9780802867612: Amazon.com: Books

Man’s Search for Meaning: Frankl, Viktor E., Winslade, William J., Kushner, Harold S.: 9780807014271: Amazon.com: Books

The Church’s Mission in a Polarized World (Magenta Series): Aaron Wessman: 9781565485495: Amazon.com: Books

The Daniel Dilemma: How to Stand Firm and Love Well in a Culture of Compromise: Hodges, Chris: 9780718091538: Amazon.com: Books

Uncommon Decency: Christian Civility in an Uncivil World: Mouw, Richard J.: 9780830833092: Amazon.com: Books

Thinking

Amazon.com: Lateral Thinking: Creativity Step by Step: 9780060903251: De Bono, Edward: Books

Amazon.com: The Six Disciplines of Strategic Thinking: Leading Your Organization into the Future: 9780063357969: Watkins, Michael D.: Books

Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity: Allen, David, Fallows, James: 9780143126560: Amazon.com: Books

Smart Choices: A Practical Guide to Making Better Decisions: Hammond, John S., Keeney, Ralph L., Raiffa, Howard: 9781633691049: Amazon.com: Books

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: 30th Anniversary Edition (The Covey Habits Series): Covey, Stephen R., Collins, Jim, Covey, Sean: 9781982137274: Amazon.com: Books

Thinking, Fast and Slow: Kahneman, Daniel: 9780374533557: Amazon.com: Books

Training

Public Training on the 4Cs of Civil Discourse

CRPP Discussion Leader Guide

CRPP Participant Guide

Microsoft Word – The Faith Call for Civility in Politics – Resources for Clergy and Local Congregations

Courage-and-Civility-Church-Kit.pdf

Make me an Instrument of Peace – The Episcopal Church

Seven Principles for Civil Engagement – reformation21

Civil Discourse – The Episcopal Church

EPPN Lenten Series 2018