Ex 1-4: Social Norm of Civility

This 15-minute exercise, called “The Elevator Breach,” uses a “breaching experiment” format to make the invisible rules of Civility feel very real.

The Elevator Breach (15 Minutes)

Goal: To experience the internal and external pressure to conform to the social norm of “civil distance.”

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1. The Setup: The “Imaginary” Elevator (3 Minutes)

• Action: Ask for 3-4 volunteers to come to the front. Mark a small square on the floor with tape or just designate a “box.”
• The Scenario: Tell the volunteers they are in a crowded elevator. They must act “normally.”
• Observation: Almost instantly, they will perform the Norm of Civility: they’ll face the “door,” look at their phones/the ceiling, and maintain a “buffer zone” of a few inches without touching. [1]

2. The Breach: Breaking the Norm (5 Minutes)

• The Twist: Instruct one volunteer (the “Breacher”) to break a subtle rule of civility. Choose one:
  • The Stare: Instead of looking at the floor, the Breacher stares directly into another person’s eyes and smiles slightly.
  • The Wrong Way: The Breacher stands with their back to the door, facing the other passengers.
  • The Personal Bubble: The Breacher stands unnecessarily close to someone, even if there is room to move.
• Observe: Watch the other volunteers. They will likely shuffle away, look confused, or give nervous “social repairs” (like a forced laugh or checking their watch).

3. The Debrief: Why was that weird? (7 Minutes)

Ask the group these three questions to nail the concept:

1. To the Victims: “How did your body react when they stood too close or stared?”
   • Insight: Civility isn’t just a “nice idea”—it’s a physical expectation. We feel visceral discomfort when it’s broken.

2. To the Breacher: “How hard was it to keep standing the ‘wrong’ way?”
   • Insight: The internal pressure to be civil is often stronger than the external pressure. We police ourselves.
3. To the Class: “What would happen if the Breacher did this every day at work?”
   • Insight: Civility is the “social glue” that allows strangers to coexist in tight spaces without conflict. Breaking it labels you as “untrustworthy” or “unstable.”

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Key Takeaway: Civility is a “silent contract.” We agree to ignore each other in specific ways (civil inattention) so that everyone feels safe and respected.

Context:

Civility is a set of skills, behaviors and habits founded on shared values.  It allows us to interact in various environments, effectively communicating, solving issues and maintaining relationships.  Civility is also a social norm.  Society expects us to behave in certain common ways and we mostly conform.  We feel odd when we don’t fit expectations.  We tend to pressure others to follow the rules.  Because social norms are so powerful, we need to be very careful about how they are defined, taught, enforced, reinforced, etc.

Modern Civility attempts to carefully define underlying values that can be embraced by individuals with different personalities, preferences, talents, politics, philosophies and religions.  It outlines the personal behaviors and growth needed to be effective in situations that require Civility.

This exercise gives us a very brief introduction to the idea and power of a social norm.

A social norm can only work if it is widely held.  Traditional Civility was strongly supported historically.  As society has changed it has lost some support.  Individualism and tolerance are more highly valued today.  Apparently arbitrary rules of etiquette and politeness are questioned. The basic idea of Civility has strong support in many areas of our society.

 Support for Civility as a Social Norm – Good News