Responding to Incivility (10-2)

Ex 10-2: Responding to Incivility

Question: Which model(s) will you master and use?

Google AI – April 2, 2026

Several exercises and models can be used to illustrate and practice effective responses to uncivil speech, focusing on techniques like cognitive rehearsal, assertive communication, and role-playing. [1, 2, 3]

1. Cognitive Rehearsal (Rehearsing Responses)

This evidence-based framework involves practicing specific, calm responses to anticipated uncivil remarks, allowing individuals to react constructively under stress.

Exercise: Create a list of common uncivil behaviors (e.g., sarcastic comments, interruptions, eyerolling) and have participants practice verbal responses.
Sample Phrases to Rehearse:
- “I feel uncomfortable when…”
- “Please don’t interrupt me.”
- “Let’s focus on the facts.”
- “Please explain your comment without sarcasm”. [2, 6, 7, 8]

2. The DESC Model for Assertive Communication

The DESC model provides a structured approach to addressing behavior without becoming aggressive.

D – Describe: Describe the specific, unwanted behavior (e.g., “When you raised your voice during the meeting…”)
E – Express: Express how the situation makes you feel using “I” statements (e.g., “…I felt dismissed.”)
S – Suggest/Specify: Suggest an alternative behavior or specify what you need (e.g., “Please let me finish my point.”)
C – Consequences: Outline the consequences of continued behavior (e.g., “This allows us to work together efficiently”). [9, 10, 11, 12]

3. Role-Playing “Draggles and Wowzers”

A 45-minute interactive exercise where participants act out scenarios of uncivil behavior (known as “Draggles”) in a classroom or workplace, with others practicing constructive intervention techniques.

Goal: To help participants identify, experience, and intervene in hurtful behaviors while in a safe environment. [1]

4. Bystander Intervention Training (The 5 D’s)

If you witness incivility rather than experience it directly, use these techniques to interrupt the cycle:

Direct: Directly address the person being uncivil (e.g., “That comment was offensive”).
Distract: Interrupt the interaction by asking a completely different question to the target.
Delegate: Find someone else, such as a manager, to intervene.
Delay: Check in with the target later to offer support.
Document: Take notes on what was said/done for reporting purposes. [7, 14, 15]

5. Civility Self-Reflection Exercise

Activity: Have individuals read statements about their behavior—such as “When a conversation gets heated, I act as an inflamer/listener/inquirer”—and reflect on how their reactions contribute to or de-escalate incivility. [17]

Name the Behavior: Clearly label what is happening, e.g., “That was a personal attack,” rather than addressing the subject matter.
Use Silence: Allowing silence after an uncivil comment can break the momentum and highlight the rudeness of the remark.
Set Boundaries: State clear expectations for future interaction. [7, 9, 17]

[1] https://absel-ojs-ttu.tdl.org/absel/article/view/3067/3065

[2] https://www.myamericannurse.com/cne-civility/

[3] https://www.scribd.com/document/441662733/3-4-Assertive-Communication-Practice

[4] https://search.proquest.com/openview/2231a24f31fe643d95385e6838641d7e/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=35533

[5] https://journals.healio.com/doi/10.3928/00220124-20200514-04

[6] https://ncpre.csl.illinois.edu/holding/incivility-and-bullying-quick-tips

[7] https://titleix.sfsu.edu/sites/default/files/documents/Civility%20in%20the%20Workplace.%20Heather%20Borlase%20and%20Fred%20Smith.%20062821.pdf

[8] https://www.timjacksonphd.com/content/files/2025/04/Comparing-ostracism-and-incivility.2016.pdf

[9] https://www.ons.org/publications-research/voice/news-views/03-2019/recognize-and-respond-incivility-nursing

[10] https://www.k-state.edu/media-communication/about/icdd/discussionguide/Civility%20and%20Inclusion%20in%20the%20Workplace%20-%20A%20Communication%20Workshop.pdf

[11] https://quizlet.com/study-guides/desc-conflict-resolution-describe-express-state-consequences-5f96cbc8-eaa4-410a-b7d6-9a70e7aa11f6

[12] https://iveronicawalsh.wordpress.com/2023/09/05/an-cbt-thought-reframe-example/

[13] https://www.wbconsultingllc.com/wblog/interrupting-incivility

[14] https://fiveable.me/social-psychology/unit-12/reducing-aggression-violence/study-guide/RP0IkiDWO17TTFkh

[15] https://sta.uwi.edu/eng/electrical/sites/default/files/electrical/documents/Student%20Awareness%20Session%20-%20Countering%20Discriminations.pdf

[16] https://www.sphere-ed.org/publication/principles-civil-discourse-primer

[17] https://www.uscourts.gov/about-federal-courts/educational-resources/educational-activities/civil-discourse-and-difficult-decisions/civility-self-reflection-exercise-civil-discourse-and-difficult-decisions

6. More detailed suggestions:

Effective responses to uncivil speech involve staying calm, setting clear boundaries, and using counter speech to address, rather than amplify, hostility. Strategies include calling out disrespectful behavior, using humor or facts, rephrasing harmful remarks, or disengaging. Key approaches include:

Set Boundaries: State clearly that the language is unacceptable and ask for a rephrase.
Use Counter speech: Counteract hate with facts, empathy, or humor rather than engaging in a fight.
Redirect the Topic: Reframe the conversation toward accountability rather than the defensive, per a Quora answer on handling rude speech.
Report & Block: Utilize platform reporting tools for harassment on social media, says a study on standing up to hate. [1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7]

Key Strategies in Detail:

Pause and Act Calmly: Avoid reacting emotionally, which often fuels the uncivil behavior.
Acknowledge Rights, Criticize Speech: Acknowledge a person’s right to speak but state that their, “comments were rude, cruel, offensive, or unacceptable,” explains a Quora user..
Highlight Hypocrisy: Point out the inconsistency of defending hostile speech while demanding accountability, says a
Engage Bystanders: Encourage others to report or comment, creating a normative pressure against uncivil, comments the Dangerous Speech Project.
Disengage: If the behavior continues, walking away or stopping engagement is an effective, powerful option. [1, 3, 4, 8, 9, 10, 11]