Misconceptions

Civility has operated for a few hundred years without a brand manager. It has acquired several unfortunate associations through the years. It is commonly seen as just surface level politeness and etiquette, a magic wand problem solver, an impractical emotional approach or an apologist for passivity, power, the status quo, righteousness, the right or the left. Properly defined, Civility is not an easily discounted simplistic answer to our cultural challenges.

Civility Is …

Civility is a set of behaviors that recognizes differences and builds mutual respect: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship management, communications, growth and problem solving.

It is based on 7 nonpartisan values: human dignity, respect, acceptance, responsibility, intentionality, constructiveness and public-spiritedness.

Inherently Complex

Civility is primarily a set of habits, skills or behaviors that are used to interact with others. There are 7 groups and many specific behaviors in applied Civility. These behaviors are learned, applied, improved and based upon modern behavioral science.

Civility is Really About 7 Behaviors

There are also 7 values, principles or virtues that lie beneath the behaviors. They are nonpartisan, commonly held ideas consistent with many political, religious and philosophical systems.

7 Civility Values

These values have been identified through time as being necessary for effective interactions. They are not derived from any specific religious, political or philosophical system. No one value is the basis for the system, although “human dignity” seems to have the greatest power in driving behaviors and inspiring commitment to Civility. Descriptions of individual behaviors are shaped by the values. There are clear expectations of good behaviors and contrasting taboos.

Civility Taboos

The Whole Person

Civility requires a commitment to engage with others in order to effectively communicate and resolve differences. As such, extraverts have a natural advantage in practicing Civility. Fortunately, the modern behavioral sciences provide training and experiences to help introverts to be “fully effective” even if it requires greater effort.

Civility embraces thinking, feeling and doing. The values and behaviors require all 3 dimensions of life.

The behaviors are inherently practical, applied and specific. The values are more abstract, intellectual and philosophical.

Embracing and applying Civility requires practical and abstract thinking, feeling and doing.

Inspiring Civility

Civility emphasizes “perceiving” in its human dignity, respect, acceptance, constructiveness and public-spiritedness values. It emphasizes “judging” in its responsibility and intentionality values.

Civility focuses inward with self-awareness and self-management skills. It focuses outward for communications, social awareness and relationship management. It balances the needs and importance of the individual with those of the community.

The Whole Process

The Civility model focuses on the process of personal interactions to solve problems and manage relationships. It assumes repeated interactions that encourage participants to invest in relationships and seek long-term results. The process is expected to be iterative, encouraging participation and engagement. Results are not predetermined. Goals are clarified. Positions are shared. Solutions are proposed. Feedback and responses are welcomed. Choices are negotiated. Civility assumes a dynamic process is employed.

Civility skills and values are held by all individuals. They acquire these views throughout life. They apply these conscious and unconscious approaches in all areas of life, formal and informal. Civility norms and expectations are different in different groups and settings. Civil behavior encourages civil behavior. Uncivil behavior is sometimes shunned, encouraged or accepted. A virtuous cycle or a vicious cycle can occur.

Civility values and skills are learned and perfected through application, usage and feedback.

Nonpartisan

Civility is actively nonpartisan. Its proponents accept the results of “Moral Foundations Theory” that there are 6-9 deeply held human views that underly political (and some religious) beliefs. Individuals and political groups disagree about which are most important. Civility is not positioned to resolve these differences. It is designed to help well-meaning individuals understand each other, find common ground and negotiate results that also support relationships and the process. Civility offers a process that allows individuals and groups to maintain their views and still work effectively with others.

Civility attempts to avoid its own “righteousness”. It offers a tested process to facilitate certain interactions. It does not claim to have final religious, political or philosophical answers. It does not claim that its values, behaviors and processes will always produce good results or resolve conflicts. It acknowledges that our understanding of values and ability to implement them through behaviors is imperfect. It recognizes that “best practices” in any of the social sciences evolve through time. Civility attempts to make explicit its values, beliefs and understandings and promote them in clear, transparent ways.

Civility is Nonpartisan

Moral Foundations Theory of Politics

Not Easy Skills

Civility requires hard-earned personal growth by engaging with others, embracing feedback, listening actively and adapting. Civility is never “done”.

Civility requires investments in communications and problem solving skills.

It requires self-awareness, self-management and relationship management skills.

In essence, Civility has embraced the personal development goal of self-actualization outlined by Abraham Maslow in 1943.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs

Not Easy Values

Human dignity, respect and acceptance require a mature perspective. They are not easy to deeply understand, practice or master. They focus on the essence of individuals in a social environment.

Responsibility, intentionality and constructiveness are also “stretch” values. They also require us to consider the required relationship between the individual and others. It is not simple. Our obligation to others requires perspective and some broader moral framework. Building a commitment to these values requires feedback, support, experience and moral perseverance.

Public-spiritedness also requires a balance between the individual and the environment. Aside from a few saints, humans are not capable of living solely for others. They must balance these needs, wants and desires. Civility does not define how much “public spiritedness” is enough. It requires each individual to consider this difficult topic.

Summary

Civility encompasses values and behaviors, a dynamic process and personal growth. It offers a process solution to our common differences and potential conflicts. It has many component parts that change through time for each person. The core components can be learned and applied by everyone. The basics are easy. Practicing and perfecting Civility values and skills is the good work of a lifetime, worthy of our human dignity.